Up to this point, Jess Franco has done 209 films, with his latest being Paula-Paula, an “audiovisual experience.” There’s not a lot to this movie, and it can be summed up in one line: Porno Paula kills Erotic/Belly Dancer Paula, but not before she sexes her up. Ha ha, Color Me Badd's I Wanna Sex You Up just jumped into my head, yours too? While it does have some of the “Franco essentials,” there’s a lot left to the viewer to interpret and impatiently sit through. Sure, the meat and potatoes are there (T&A), but this is a long, grueling experience, when popping in a porno (with even more meat and taters in less time) could have sufficed. So, here’s what we get:
Naked Chicks-Check
Full Frontal-Check
Two chicks kissing (longest ongoing onscreen kiss?) and lesbianism-Check
Lina Romay-Check
Overused 70’s Psychedelica-Yes
Storyline-No
Shoddy Dialog-Yes
Looks like it was shot in a spare bedroom with foil backdrops-Yes
Music sounding like it came from a Charlie Brown episode-Yes
Disappearing blood-Yes
IMDB labels this one as a “video,” and rightly so, because other than a few lines of dialog, this thing is filled with piano and jazz music, nudity, and not much more. The disappearing blood comes when Paula slices her lover’s throat (shot up close), but after pulling the knife away, the blood is nowhere to be seen. Jess says he tries hard to bring “new cinema” with each new feature, and touts cinematic freedom, but in reality, this is a horrible 70’s throwback, with nothing new to offer. Sure, he’s got some notable works under his belt, all pretty much from the 70’s and early 80’s, but to allow him freedom these days, means a cinematic disaster. Even with fully naked up-and-comers, this film is garbage, and after seeing this, and some of the works SRS Cinema picked up (Snakewoman, Red Silk, Mari-Cookie and the Killer Tarantula, etc), I think Jess really needs to hang it up.
Naked Chicks-Check
Full Frontal-Check
Two chicks kissing and lesbianism-Check
Lina Romay-Check, and naked too
70’s Psychedelica-No, 70’s attire and style-Yes
Storyline-Yes
Shoddy Dialog-Yes, which is always the case in a Franco flick, yet here it was actually coherent
Disappearing blood-No, disappearing crabs-Yes
Down on his luck, Patrick meets Lorna (Pamela Stanford) at the roulette table a casino, and she sends some of her lucky mojo his way, allowing him to finally win. In repayment, they go up to her room and have a roll in the sheets, where he agrees to give her his yet conceived daughter (Linda, played by Lina Romay) when she turns 18. He then goes back to his hotel, and seals the deal with his wife, unbeknownst to her. 18 years later, and dawning Linda’s birthday, Lorna comes back for what’s rightfully hers, seducing her in dream-like sequences, and some of the worst simulated carpet munching I’ve ever seen.
Not wanting to hand over his daughter, daddy dearest is threatened, and given a seashell knuckle punch (think brass knuckles, but with a seashell) by Lorna’s goon, while his wife, Marianne, is tormented by crotch critters (real baby crabs) that eventually lead to her death. Lorna transfers her powers to Linda via a breast licking/simulated feeding scene, with the final transformation happening after a consummated dildo hammering. Linda, now on the sexual prowess, attempts to seduce her father, but he's able to withstand (all but a long gaze while she's showering). Another attempt is futile, so he gets a knife in the back.
Lorna the Exorcist seems like an inappropriately title, since there's really no exorcisms, religious dogma, or crucifix defilement here. It's merely Lorna passing her devilishness onto her (somewhat) offspring, so Lorna the Devil/Demon/Succubus seems to fit better. Title aside, I really liked it, which seldom happens when I blind buy, but knowing that Mondo always brings quality, and this was shot during Franco’s golden age, I figured how could I go wrong? Sure, it runs a bit too long, and Lorna’s make-up was ridiculously transvestitish, but Linda and Marianne (Jacqueline Laurent) were well worth it, and both were clad with hairy bushes. There is nudity galore (the Franco staple), and he even makes an appearance as a psychiatrist.
Now, I’m by no means an expert on Franco films, but feel like I’ve seen enough to tell you what's carp and what's not, and I believe this is one of his better works, sitting well alongside Sinner: Diary of a Nymphomaniac, Eugenie, and Vampyros Lesbos. I also think it would make a great double-feature with Alucarda (also from Mondo). That was probably cemented in when I saw Lina’s crazy eyes and scream at the end, and thought, what a great segue into a film about devil possessed nuns. Put the kiddies to bed, and get out the popcorn for some blood soaked fun and lots of screaming, better yet, maybe wait until the kids aren't home, so they don't think you're killing their mom. I do have to frown down on Intervision Pictures for choosing Paula-Paula as their first release (which probably has to do with Larry Gold’s friendship and loyalty to Jess), but think The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff has potential, even though I have no clue about the Orloff story, or it's sequels. So, in the meantime, pick up the others mentioned above, and go Franc yourself. :)
While Paula-Paula gets an overall rating of 1, only because of full frontal nudity, Lorna was actually a movie with substance, so rates much better.
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OVERALL RATING--3-- |
