A few months ago, I ventured back into German splatter cinema with Necronos Tower of Doom, which I thought was pretty well done. Tonight, I decided to tread on familiar ground, but take it back a few years with Heiko Fipper’s Ostermontag, which I'd seen on many people's “extreme” lists, so I had to track down a copy.
The alternative title to this is I Spit on Your Fucking Grave Bitch!, which not only automatically sparked my curiosity, but also set the stage for some big shoes to fill. When you play off the title of a more renouned movie, you're expected to live up to it, but more times than not, you get something much more inferior, and sometimes even down right laughable. I really wanted to be blown away by this film, and was hoping for a visual assault in the likes of A Serbian Film, but as many low budget features have used the bind and torture premise to titillate and desecrate, this one does a pretty poor job on most levels and I walked away in disappointment.
It wasn’t the fact that I couldn’t understand any of the dialog (it's in German with no subtitles), but the hype around it alone already had me jaded, and it was put on a pedestal it was never deservant of. While there are some decent gore and FX scenes, the rest is forgettable, and had it just been whittled down to a shorter movie of sheer visceral carnage, I would've walked away happy.
Some of the gore scenes are worth mentioning, but the extremely watered down blood stock that was used just made my eyes roll. Red paint or ketchup would have looked better than this crap, but the following scenes are the highlights (in no particular order):
1) the stairwell head-smash scene
2) death by vacuum suckage
3) lip bondage
4) knife in pants/bunghole violation
and
5) the last scene which involves extreme orifice torture and a spinal blowout.
Sure, this will easily offend those without an untrained eye, but once you realize it's a rubber mannequin, you might feel a little less dirty about what you just witnessed. I also feel it would've been more impactful had it not been so drawn out. Sure, a bunch of rowdy drunks would hoot and holler in approval at the sperm-drenched spinal tap scene, but sometimes you just gotta know when to cut the shot and move on.
Mr. Fipper is better known for his film, Das Komabrutale Duell (1999), which I reviewed back in 2008. Again, some of his gore antics can be applauded, but the very loose storytelling becomes cumbersome and the fast-forward button should be readily at-hand. While German splatter has really yet to hit the mainstream, Intervision Pictures has dug into their vaults and will release Olaf Ittenbach’s Burning Moon on Valentine’s Day, hoping to give Anchor Bay's The Dead, IFC's Human Centipede 2, and Image's Nude Nuns with Big Guns a run for their money.
If this review has left you a bit dumbfounded and wanting more, you can purchase Ostermontag over at Twisted Anger for around 10 bucks. No artwork is provided (I borrowed the picture above from an online source), but it does come with two other short movies and some behind-the-scenes stuff. The first short is what I like to call, "Our adventures in learning CGI," and the other I zoned out on after several minutes of watching people eating pizza and talking. Again, these are in German with no subtitles, but be sure to check out the other titles Twisted Anger has to offer, as his Deluxe Editions are superb! Where else can you find Psycho: The Snuff Reels, The Video Dead, and The Town that Dreaded Sundown at such great prices and quality?
And, even though I hated this film as a whole, I can't seem to get it out of my head. Maybe I'll revisit it in a few days if it's still lingering, but I've gotta hail Jörg Buttgereit as the king of German horror, and really wish he'd make another movie, but not that Captain Berlin vs. Hitler schlocky shit.
Jan 31, 2012
Ostermontag (1991) by Heiko Fipper
Jan 20, 2012
Featured Friends: Bryce and Rottbox Caskets
For the new year, I thought I'd try something a bit different here on the Side Show Review. Since I hang around some pretty cool people, I thought I'd do a few Featured Friends posts to introduce you to them. I asked them an array of questions, ranging from their occupation to movies to just randomness that I hope will not only educate, but entertain you. So, my first guinea pig for this experiment was my friend Bryce.
I’ve known Bryce since high school, and we even played freshman baseball together, well, he played, and I rode the pine with other friends. Last year, we reconnected through that wonderful thing called Iruleyourlifebook, err, I mean Facebook, and I found out some interesting things about my old friend. He’s not only a big horror movie fan, but he makes custom novelty caskets. Whaaaaat? Yeah, my interest was definitely peaked too, so let’s delve into the mind of this maniac.
After high school, where did your diploma take you?
I worked for the sheriff's department for a while, then left law enforcement to run Har-Bell Athletic Goods for ten years.
What do you do now to make a living?
I work for Lindbergs Tavern, it is Springfield's oldest bar. It served as a whore house, a bank, and a bar in the 1920's. There's a lot of history in the building, I miss the whore house aspect of it!
What’s the worst part about this job?
I hate after we are closed and are cleaning for the next day, the girls bathroom is disgusting! They are worse than men, then they leave their bloody corks in the trash can. There should be some kind of rule about this.
How do you deal with drunk people?
For most that know me, I get irritated very easily… But for the most part it doesn’t get too out of hand, but I do have the occasional dumbass that goes a little overboard. I give them one chance to get in line, and if they don’t, I physically remove them whether they like it or not.
What’s the wildest thing you've witnessed in the bar business?
Rumor has it, that the bar is haunted and we have heard that for years. Myself and Eric were cleaning one night and it was only the two of us in there and I turned to see what looked like a black outline of a person standing at the bottom of the stairs looking at us (A Shadow Person). I said, "What the fuck is that?" and turned to Eric and he was looking at it as well. It just kind of drifted back up the stairs. I went up the stairs to look for it but it was gone. It literally gave me goosebumps and Eric doesn’t like talking about it. I thought it was pretty cool, I want to see something that scares me so bad I pass out.
What other job would you like to do?
I wish I knew more about special effects make up, I really like the fact of being able to turn someone into a bloody brain eating zombie. I really like watching (Face Off), just to be as creative and messed up as you can.
What do you like to do in your spare time?
I like to spend a lot of time on the rivers, fishing and drinking beer. Just taking it easy with friends, and I do a lot of grilling and cooking.
Tell us about how you came up with the idea of Rottbox Caskets (what is it, pricing, etc)?
I thought of it while watching a life insurance commercial. They were talking about the expense of being buried and coffins, and I thought I could do them cheaper and a lot cooler looking. I was originally going to call them (To Go Boxes), but thought RottBox sounded better.
RottBox Caskets are decorative toe pincher style caskets, made of treated pine and built to your request. I then paint them with any horror theme you would like. I have done everything from Pinhead to Clockwork Orange. I start them out at about $300 and they go up in price depending on what all you want done.
How many have you sold and what’s the oddest casket request you’ve had?
I have sold about 50 to date, and have sent them from Beverly Hills to Germany. As far as odd, not too many odd requests, built one in a child’s size which I thought was pretty cool because I find anything to do with kids creepy. I actually own a child’s casket that was originally used back in the 1890's. A cemetery was over crowded and they dug up all the old ones and needed to get rid of them, so I bought it.
Are there any requests you won’t do?
Not at all, if you can think it, I can build it. I built one with a hidden liquor cabinet in it, and that was pretty cool.
Why do you like horror movies?
I like horror movies for the fact you never know what’s coming. You have the good ones and the bad ones, but either way they are just fun to watch.
Do you have a favorite sub-genre?
I do like zombies, but only if it is a good Zombie movie! Too many people are making really shitty zombie movies these days. Even Romero is making shitty films now. I think film makers could learn a lot from the Walking Dead series.
What’s your favorite horror and non-horror movie?
Favorite horror movie, I'm not real sure you would call it a horror movie or not, but the original (When A Stranger Calls) is pretty crazy and freaks me out. The Devils Rejects is a solid favorite of mine as well, a family that is by far worse than the Manson family.
Non-horror movie, probably (Chopper), The life story of Mark Brandon Reed, [he’s] One crazy bastard.
Best movie of 2011? Most anticipated title for 2012?
There really wasn’t a movie in 2011 that I wanted to see, kind of hard to want to see anything when all that comes out are pieces of shit like Paranormal Activity. Most anticipated movie for me, (Lords of Salem) just to see Sid Haig in another film.
Who’s your favorite actor/actress/director?
Favorite actor - Sid Haig - I like him just for the creep factor as he brings, he was great in The Devil’s Rejects as Spaulding, and I even liked him as the alcoholic clown in Little Big Top.
Favorite director - Lucio Fulci - His movies really don’t make much sense, but they are blood soaked.
What’s your favorite horror collectible and why?
I would have to say my "Pigo The Clown" figure from Quarantine studios. I have a weird fascination with clowns, I guess I can say I owe it all to John Wayne Gacy.
What’s your favorite color and why?
I would have to say Black, I don’t really know why, but 90% of my shirts are black. Maybe because black is supposed to be slimming.
What kind of animal would you be?
Probably a sloth, because they aren’t very good looking and neither am I. They try to avoid a lot of other animals in the same manner I try to avoid a lot of people.
What’s your favorite candy/candy bar and why?
Probably the Mr. Goodbar, who doesn’t enjoy a chocolate covered peanut?
Favorite kind of food and why?
Anything cooked in a smoker or on a grill, the smell of the smoke and the flavor of the food is just a delight.
Favorite drink (alcoholic and non)?
Non-alcoholic - unsweet tea.
Alcoholic - red beer - beer with clamato juice, not tomato, but clamato.
What’s the oddest thing (quirks, etc) about you that only your closest friends would know, or maybe no one knows (until now)?
I am deathly afraid of heights and airplanes, I don’t like shirts with wide necks, [and] I have to rub my eyebrows about 20 times before I put a hat on.
What’s your fondest memory of me/us?
Probably have to go back to the days of hide and seek, just two broke kids playing in the yard and making Kool-Aid.
Well, there you have it, that's Bryce in a (pea)nutshell. Thanks, buddy, for taking the time out to answer my questions! I hope all who read this, not only found it informative, but maybe even got a laugh or two. Bryce is quite the character, and most nights you can catch him working the door at Lindbergs Tavern, located on the corner of Campbell and Commercial Street in Springfield, MO. For those who want more info on Rottbox Caskets, visit their Facebook page HERE.
Jan 11, 2012
A few hostile words for Hostel Part 3
While Hostel 1&2 had gritty scenery and lots of atmosphere, Part 3 looked polished and never hit "believability" status for me. Sure, Sin City seems like a great place to pick up the story, but trying to top earlier (better) storylines and cameos of Takashi Miike and Edwige Fenech is tough. So, rather than using the madness of the city and all the wicked things that lie beneath it to their advantage, we're left with something equivalent (snooze factor-wise) to one of the later Final Destination movies, excluding #5, which is pretty bad ass.
There were a few twists which I hoped would play out to be worth while, but they ended up adding nothing, and along with the shitty CGI, extremely lame kills, and the stupid ass ending, I felt like I had treated my dishes unjustly by watching this over washing them.
The premise is pretty simple: Before he ties the knot, Scott and his buddies have one last night out on the town, but things don't go as planned. (Do they ever?) People come up missing, then end up dead, and the game of survival is on.
There were also some monotonous things, as if they were just added to expand the running time, like too many shots of doors being opened by tattoo recognition (Elite Hunting Club tats of course). I was like, Dude, we got it the first time, so let's move on! And, there were way too many ass shots. Did I really say that? Yeah, I did, and while I enjoy a nice derriere as much as the next man (or woman), they can get old. It's like they knew the story sucked, so they'd just pan down the booty cam in hopes of distracting us, so much that it could have been called Hostel 3: The Elite Ass Hunting Club, or just Hostel Asses. Hey, make sure I get credit when the porn parody comes out.
I just felt that this was a very unnecessary entry in the franchise, and even though Scott Spiegel (Intruder, From Dusk Till Dawn 2) directed it, it should've been left alone. Trust me, not every movie with a sequel needs to become a trilogy, it’s okay to only have two.
Jan 3, 2012
Who did it better? Synapse Films or Arrow Films
My last post started the finger pointing, so I'll continue it by calling Shenanigans on Arrow Films for releasing the same Blu Ray titles as Synapse Films. Sure, one can say they were released for totally separate markets, but region-free discs mean world viewability, so that doesn't really hold up.
As I’ve mentioned before, Arrow Films took me under their spell in early 2011, and even though several of their titles were also released by Blue Underground, the artwork and packaging drew me in and I just had to add some to my collection. After buying 5 or 6 titles, a cautionary flag was thrown up when I heard that Fulci’s The Beyond was released with a black and white intro, and although Arrow sent corrected discs to those who requested them, it left a bad taste in my mouth. I was really excited to see that Battle Royale was finally released on Blu Ray, but come to find out it was in Region B formatting only, and when I tried to take advantage of a big sale on their site, my credit card company called to say they declined the transaction because the processing company Arrow uses was suspected of being compromised, and sadly, they didn't offer payment through Paypal. It wasn't until John Russo’s Midnight and Linda Blair’s Savage Streets were announced that my interest was revamped, but come Fall, they started piggy-backing Synapse Films releases of Exterminator, Maniac Cop, and Frankenhooker, which made me question them yet again. And, even though both companies released them with new HD, region-free transfers, the bonus content and artwork were different.
Similar to Arrow, Synapse started putting reversible sleeves in their releases in 2011, but used variations of the original artworks, whereas Arrow offered artist re-envisions. While I don’t have any ties with the folks across the pond, I do with Jerry and Don at Synapse, who I met at Cinema Wasteland, and are really cool guys. So, since I already have the Synapse versions, is it really worth double-dipping? And, who do you think did it better?
Synapse released Exterminator on Sept 13th, while Arrow waited until Nov 7th
Synapse released Maniac Cop on Oct 11th, and Arrow on Oct 31st
Synapse released Frankenhooker on Nov 8th, while Arrow waited until Jan 2nd, 2012
Arrow will release Red Scorpion on Feb 6th, 2012, but Synapse's is still TBA even though it was acquired in early 2011
Synapse’s Wild Card: Intruder Blu Ray (out now) and Thou Shalt Not Kill…Except (Mar 13th, 2012)
Arrow’s Wild Card: Demons 1&2 (April 2012)
