I couldn't help but notice the resemblance of Bad Ass's artwork with that of the Walking Tall series. So, while we wait for Machete Kills, we can sustain our Danny Trejo fix with this movie. As a Facebook friend pointed out (Thanks Erika!), the fanny pack is what truly makes him bad ass.
For the past couple months, I’ve been pretty uninspired to do reviews or watch any genre movies. Maybe the recent move and career change are to blame, maybe I’m just in a complete funk, or maybe my tastes are changing (let's hope not). But, with my lady out-of-town this week, I decided to watch Nude Nuns with Big Guns, which as I mentioned before, has been sitting on my shelf for several months now, even before the U.S. release in February.
So, does it live up to it's name? Are there nude nuns? Yes, several. Are there big guns? Yes, but sadly, no bazookas (ha!). Are there nude nuns with big guns? Not really, but it makes for a great title anyway. I feel that many other films have captured the old grindhouse feel much better, and while I really wanted to love this movie, as I did Run! Bitch Run! (by the same director), I wasn’t really sure what it was trying to achieve. Is it supposed to be a true homage to other exploitation flicks, merely poking fun at them, or just trying to entertain on it’s own accord (with the help of familiar genre themes of course)? Maybe it requires more than one viewing, and/or maybe I'm trying to look too deep into it, but I walked away unsatisfied. Damn, that's what she said!
Was it a fun movie? If the 3 B’s are your only requirements to make it a fun venture, then I guess it achieves that, but for me, it was simply just watchable, with a few decent scenes. I do feel like the lead nun (Asun Ortega) was a great choice. She’s pretty, sexy, maybe even a bit mysterious, played her part well, and wasn’t afraid to bare her goods (bush included), plus, she was willing to make out with other chicks, even somewhat convincingly. But, everyone else was pretty much forgettable, acted poorly (possibly intended?), were given shitty dialog, and merely became fodder for Sister Sarah (light bulb!…was that the whole intention I missed?).
There are some things I have to call bullshit on, though, like the amount of shooting skill this nun had. It's like prior to joining the convent, she'd spent some serious time at the shooting range...or was it the hand of God guiding her?, because pretty much every head shot (and there were plenty), no matter the distance, was dead-on. I also noticed that the dead clergyman under the sheet took a breath as the head nun and lead biker entered the room. Some of the most subtle things catch my eye. The Titty Puller strip club was clearly a From Dusk Till Dawn reference, which I rolled my eyes at, but kept thinking that the witch doctor could have been played by Tommy Chong, which would have been an even slyer nod to the Tarantino classic.
I don’t really feel like this was intended for the hardcore nunsploitation fan, but rather a wider 42nd Street-type audience. Sure, there's nun nakedness, but it's more of a biker-western themed nun revenge flick, which attempts to exploit multiple sub-genres, like the newer film Dear God No!. On a side note, I'd really like to see DGN! on the screener list for Texas Frightmare Weekend, as I've heard nothing but great things about it.
Nude Nuns just had me walking away wanting to re-watch The Killer Nun, Alucarda, and The Other Hell. And while it’s sure to please some folks (heck, the tits alone may do that), for now it’ll just get lumped with the other films I really hoped would become conversation pieces, but ended up just being so-so, and therefore fairly unmentionable.
Not to be confused with the 1999 U.K. short film of the same name, Nailbiter (2012) comes from Patrick Rea, who has done a whole slew of shorts over the years, most making their festival rounds and a few were released on Fangoria’s Blood Drive and Hollywood Scarefest DVDs.
I first heard about this movie as a follower of the blog and Facebook page, Freddy In Space. It looked interesting, so I tracked down Mr. Rea and asked for a screener copy. I always love being one of the first to watch new indie movies, especially before they get distribution, and also help spread the word to support fellow low budget filmmakers.
The first 20 minutes will have you thinking it's just another Twister ripoff, but once the storm subsides, it becomes apparent it’s more in the vain of a Stephen King movie or After Dark Horrorfest's The Hamiltons.
In order to dodge a tornado while on their way to pick up daddy dearest at the airport, the Maguire Clan seek refuge in a nearby home's cellar. Once the storm has blown over, they try to exit, but debris has blocked the doors. So, little Sally tries to exit through a window, but gets bitten by something, so quickly retreats. Since cell phone reception is for shit and the people upstairs won't help, they place their hope in a moonshine still and a high-powered nail gun, which are found in the basement. I’m sure you’re thinking, either some MacGyver shit is about to take place, or drunken carpentry, but as things keep lurking and the body count rises, survival mode kicks in and the goal of getting the hell out of Dodge, or Wellsville in this case, becomes the dominant thought.
I could continue to throw out spoilers, but fear I may have already given too much, as this film deserves to be experienced, rather than just told, and alcohol-induced viewing will only enhance it. I'm not sure if a sequel is intended, but there's plenty of room left for one to follow.
Several people were cast very well. I really liked the grandma character, played by Joicie Appell, who proves you can't always trust little old ladies.
I also feel that Emily Boresow (Alice) has a bright future in acting, and her likeness to Emma Watson doesn't hurt either.
And, given a few more roles to hone her talent, badass Meg Saricks, who plays Jennifer, could be on her way to B-movie hottie/scream queen stardom.
The Blu Ray picture quality looked great, with vivid colors throughout the outdoor scenes and the darks were dark. The audio, however, definitely wasn't geared toward my TV's factory speakers, because I had to really crank it up in order to hear all the dialog.
I do have a few more gripes though. I felt that the portrayal of four chicks in distress was a bit off. Maybe this intended to be a girl power movie, but even with the hard exteriors that Jennifer and her mom held, as their kin started dying off, I’d think there would be much more hysteria. Hell, I might even scream like a little bitch in the same situation. Also, the creatures fell short. I heavily applaud the use of practical effects, and I’m not sure what I was expecting or hoping, but when the monsters were revealed, I was like, That's it? I was going to add a picture, but feel it's only fair that you make your own determination. So, seek out this film and let me know what you think!
I did like the feature overall and thank Patrick for sending it to me. I'd really like to catch more of his short films, and can't wait to see what SenoReality Pictures has in store next. Also, shame on me for not knowing that he directed Empty Acre, which has been sitting in my collection since 2007, still in the shrinkwrap. Seems like a good time to free it from it's factory binding and give it a watch.
Be on the lookout for Nailbiter playing at a festival or horror convention near you, and follow it's happenings on Patrick's Facebook Page!
Undead on Arrival unintentionally morphed into a zombie comedy, and although it was bound by copyrighted music, went on to sell more than 20 copies and was screened at Hutchinson's Halloween festival. A few years later, FALLOUT, a Twilight Zone-themed short was shot, and while the camera was handed over to someone else, I helmed the executive producer chair. It was submitted to Wichita’s Tall Grass Film Festival in 2011, but was not selected, and is now available for purchase on Amazon.
A few months ago, I ventured back into German splatter cinema with Necronos Tower of Doom, which I thought was pretty well done. Tonight, I decided to tread on familiar ground, but take it back a few years with Heiko Fipper’s Ostermontag, which I'd seen on many people's “extreme” lists, so I had to track down a copy.
The alternative title to this is I Spit on Your Fucking Grave Bitch!, which not only automatically sparked my curiosity, but also set the stage for some big shoes to fill. When you play off the title of a more renouned movie, you're expected to live up to it, but more times than not, you get something much more inferior, and sometimes even down right laughable. I really wanted to be blown away by this film, and was hoping for a visual assault in the likes of A Serbian Film, but as many low budget features have used the bind and torture premise to titillate and desecrate, this one does a pretty poor job on most levels and I walked away in disappointment.
It wasn’t the fact that I couldn’t understand any of the dialog (it's in German with no subtitles), but the hype around it alone already had me jaded, and it was put on a pedestal it was never deservant of. While there are some decent gore and FX scenes, the rest is forgettable, and had it just been whittled down to a shorter movie of sheer visceral carnage, I would've walked away happy.
Some of the gore scenes are worth mentioning, but the extremely watered down blood stock that was used just made my eyes roll. Red paint or ketchup would have looked better than this crap, but the following scenes are the highlights (in no particular order):
1) the stairwell head-smash scene
2) death by vacuum suckage
3) lip bondage
4) knife in pants/bunghole violation
and
5) the last scene which involves extreme orifice torture and a spinal blowout.
Sure, this will easily offend those without an untrained eye, but once you realize it's a rubber mannequin, you might feel a little less dirty about what you just witnessed. I also feel it would've been more impactful had it not been so drawn out. Sure, a bunch of rowdy drunks would hoot and holler in approval at the sperm-drenched spinal tap scene, but sometimes you just gotta know when to cut the shot and move on.
Mr. Fipper is better known for his film, Das Komabrutale Duell (1999), which I reviewed back in 2008. Again, some of his gore antics can be applauded, but the very loose storytelling becomes cumbersome and the fast-forward button should be readily at-hand. While German splatter has really yet to hit the mainstream, Intervision Pictures has dug into their vaults and will release Olaf Ittenbach’s Burning Moon on Valentine’s Day, hoping to give Anchor Bay's The Dead, IFC's Human Centipede 2, and Image's Nude Nuns with Big Guns a run for their money.
If this review has left you a bit dumbfounded and wanting more, you can purchase Ostermontag over at Twisted Anger for around 10 bucks. No artwork is provided (I borrowed the picture above from an online source), but it does come with two other short movies and some behind-the-scenes stuff. The first short is what I like to call, "Our adventures in learning CGI," and the other I zoned out on after several minutes of watching people eating pizza and talking. Again, these are in German with no subtitles, but be sure to check out the other titles Twisted Anger has to offer, as his Deluxe Editions are superb! Where else can you find Psycho: The Snuff Reels, The Video Dead, and The Town that Dreaded Sundown at such great prices and quality?
And, even though I hated this film as a whole, I can't seem to get it out of my head. Maybe I'll revisit it in a few days if it's still lingering, but I've gotta hail Jörg Buttgereit as the king of German horror, and really wish he'd make another movie, but not that Captain Berlin vs. Hitler schlocky shit.
For the new year, I thought I'd try something a bit different here on the Side Show Review. Since I hang around some pretty cool people, I thought I'd do a few Featured Friends posts to introduce you to them. I asked them an array of questions, ranging from their occupation to movies to just randomness that I hope will not only educate, but entertain you. So, my first guinea pig for this experiment was my friend Bryce.
I’ve known Bryce since high school, and we even played freshman baseball together, well, he played, and I rode the pine with other friends. Last year, we reconnected through that wonderful thing called Iruleyourlifebook, err, I mean Facebook, and I found out some interesting things about my old friend. He’s not only a big horror movie fan, but he makes custom novelty caskets. Whaaaaat? Yeah, my interest was definitely peaked too, so let’s delve into the mind of this maniac.
While Hostel 1&2 had gritty scenery and lots of atmosphere, Part 3 looked polished and never hit "believability" status for me. Sure, Sin City seems like a great place to pick up the story, but trying to top earlier (better) storylines and cameos of Takashi Miike and Edwige Fenech is tough. So, rather than using the madness of the city and all the wicked things that lie beneath it to their advantage, we're left with something equivalent (snooze factor-wise) to one of the later Final Destination movies, excluding #5, which is pretty bad ass.
There were a few twists which I hoped would play out to be worth while, but they ended up adding nothing, and along with the shitty CGI, extremely lame kills, and the stupid ass ending, I felt like I had treated my dishes unjustly by watching this over washing them.
The premise is pretty simple: Before he ties the knot, Scott and his buddies have one last night out on the town, but things don't go as planned. (Do they ever?) People come up missing, then end up dead, and the game of survival is on.
