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OVERALL RATING--0-- |
Apr 24, 2008
Trader Hornee
The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made: The Remake (2008)
When you watch Bill Zebub‘s work, you’ll either love it and laugh your ass off, hate it and want to burn it, or just accept it for what it is, enjoy the nudity, and maybe chuckle a little. His antics are known to offend by pushing exploitation boundaries, making religious, political, racial, and military slanders, and just presenting off the wall shit. But, that’s what he prides himself on, and The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made: The Remake is no different.
With a very loose storyline, tons of nudity, outrageous dialog, and overstretched humor, you‘ll continue to shake your head in dismay as you watch this train wreck unfold.
A chick gets killed with playing cards, a woman turns into a butt-humping werewolf, several poop/fart gags and the creation of a Mr. Hankey-esque crap blob, multiple gay references, attack of the 50ft naked woman, aborted babies and baby nun chucks, a toilet paper mummy, a big-ass spider, a rapist Laurel and Hardy doll, and much, much more.
I’m all for good humor, but sometimes there’s just too much of a good thing. Footage was added (and rehashed) for this remake, but it was simply too long, and needed to be trimmed down in order to keep my attention. After about an hour and 20 minutes, my interest was tapped out, and even though there was a nice lesbian scene about 15 minutes later, the movie had already ran the gambit.
I’d suggest renting this title before buying, unless you know what you’re getting into. Bill has a good cult following, and has opened the door to an even wider audience by getting distribution (for some of his movies) through Brain Damage Films. Even though this became tedious to watch, I look forward to his next feature, MetalHeads: The Good, The Bad, and The Evil, and hope he continues to stay true to his creative vision and following. For more info on Bill's films, visit www.billzebub.com.
Most memorable quote:
“Aw fuck, this bitch shit out of her pussy!”
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OVERALL RATING--3-- |
Trigger Man (2007)
Friend #2 gets blasted in the head while trying to flee, while Friend #3 makes like the wind and books it out of there, but later returns to get the gun. He then takes refuge under a bridge to rest and plan his next move. A runner comes by, and although he tries to warn her of the danger (with blood on his face and toting a gun), she's scared off and taken out by the sniper too.
He makes his way to the abandoned buildings where the shots came from, and after searching a while, he sees the culprit and plinks him off. The guy’s buddy comes running out of the door from an above stairwell, and the chase is on. Friend #3 finds a secure spot to get a shot off, which injures the guy, so he retraces his steps, takes the guy’s handgun, and finishes him off. The End.
I was really hoping there was another twist to the story, like after he shot the first guy, then maybe he’d get shot at again from a different location, so the whole mistaken identity thing could unfold. But, despite the shooters motives, this was a pretty straight forward story. There was very little character development, so that's why I didn't bother with names, and just referred to them as Friend #1-3. And, I know certain survivalist instincts kick in, but there wasn’t much emotion when the friends' deaths occurred. If they truly were a tight-knit group, I’d have expected a few tears to fall, no matter how manly they thought they were. If I were in the same situation, I probably would’ve first shit my pants, then shed a few tears, maybe even yelled barbarically, then taken a few moments to gather my thoughts, and then come out like John Rambo ready to lay down a major ass-whoopin. But, instead, we end up with a mediocre revenge movie that has more drama than action.
Bad things happen in the woods, whether it’s a backwoods family of cannibals, a machete-wielding psycho, or a freak of nature with a hunger for human flesh (to name a few), tree-flourished landscapes are scary and dangerous places. Not a bad movie, but not all that good either. The best parts were when the body fell off the cliff, and when Friend #2’s brains got splattered on the rocks and Friend #3 tried to put them back in. I’d urge you to watch The Backwoods with Gary Oldman instead, even though the ending will disappoint, it’s much more entertaining.
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OVERALL RATING--2.5-- |
Apr 22, 2008
Secret Things (Foreign- Choses Secrètes)
Buy Secret Things Here!!
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OVERALL RATING--3-- |
GROOVE ROOM 3D
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Jack Armstrong is a horny young boy who has suddenly become a horny young man. Jack’s parents have always discouraged his curiosity for sexuality but he has always ignored them. When they suddenly pass away he learns that his father was regularly seeing a prostitute and when he meets her he savagely looses his innocence. He realizes, though, that sexuality is nothing without love. While at an art gallery he falls in love at first site with a beautiful woman. She is a prude daughter of a preacher who finds a way to stifle all of Jacks sexual advances. He dedicates himself to the idea of building a room where he can capture and corrupt his loves virginity. A lot of movies of this era and style will bore you to death, but this movie has charm and nudity which is a potent potion for entertainment. It never really delivers the goods as far as “sex” scenes go but it does deliver lots of nudity and comedy that will actually make you laugh. (No lie this movie doesn’t suck at all.) If you can pick this up for a descent price do it. I wouldn’t expect to easily find a copy though. It is available for instant viewing on Netflix. |
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OVERALL RATING--4-- |
Apr 10, 2008
The Devil Knows My Name.
PURCHASE JOHN 5 HERE!
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OVERALL RATING--5-- |
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