It starts out with a cute chick hitchhiking on a wooded road in Massachusetts. Luckily for her, the (black) sheriff picks her up (instead of some backwoods maniac), and offers his help, but not before warning her of the dangers of getting in a stranger's car. I’m assuming he was off-duty, since he was driving a Cavalier and not a squad car, but then again, maybe that’s all the podunk county could afford (which sadly happens to be the case). Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing Cavaliers, I had one for 10 years and it did me right, but it definitely wasn't winning any high-speed chases. So, he takes her to the other side of town (like a minute away), draws his weapon, and tells her to get out. Somewhat confused, she wanders into the forest, only to be attacked by something off-screen (loud scream). Hmmm…a scarecrow perhaps???
The new guy in town, Mr. Brown (a heavy set brutha), joins the force as deputy sheriff to get away from the big city police life. But, even in the little city of Adams, woes start to weigh high as the recession hits hard, and rumors of "the scarecrows" start leaking out. The sheriff and his deputy look kinda like a black Laurel and Hardy.
Three dudes are on a road trip, but their “Jap piece of shit” (a Hyundai I believe) breaks down and they have to stay the night at a campground until the local mechanic can help the next day. While searching for a good spot to rest for the night, some dude (another black guy), pops up outta nowhere, and warns them about the scarecrows. He goes on further to tell the ridiculous back story of how the sheriff killed three dudes and then buried them, but they came back with a blood lust...blah, blah, blah.
What follows is a ridiculous movie with a rag-tag cast, who obviously don’t have much acting experience or ability (they looked right at the camera for crying out loud (an acting no-no)), shitty dialog and delivery, crappy editing and camera angles, off-screen kills, and stupid burlap sack wearing scarecrows. The only things that didn’t make it a total waste of time were the one nude scene (nice cha-chas of Amanda Nigro), and the vulgar bluegrass soundtrack. And, I must say, this had more black folks than any other non-black horror movie I’ve ever seen. Not that that's a bad thing, other than the fact that they couldn't act to save their ass, but really surprising. The only person who seemed to have any visible acting training was the sheriff, played by Cedric Howard, someone I'd never heard of before.
Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve seen a lot of horrible movies (like some, but hate most), and been in one too (in some people’s eyes that is), but this one is really high on the Stink-O-Meter, and not in a bad/good way either. I’ve seen better movies by Brain Damage Films, which some would consider the industry low. But, if you really like crummy movies that stay crummy throughout, this is your bag. I didn't get the feeling that this was supposed to be a campy movie either, and even during the fighting and death scenes, the camera angle is so far off that you see fists and weapons hit nothing but air, yet they seem to knock people down. I'd have just made everyone sign a no-liability waiver so they could punch and kick the shit out of each other (if need be) in order to get a good shot.
So, if you like scarecrow horror, don't watch this movie because it only ruins the reputation of the good ones. But, if you want to scare the crows away, put a copy of this in your field or garden and I’m sure it will do the trick.
Most memorable quote:
“You better shut the fuck up bitch, [or] I’ll knock your teeth all the way down to your ass.”
|
OVERALL RATING--1-- |
1 comment:
So, you think that Blood A Butcher's Tale looked like it was going to be bad because of the art effects on the camera but you thought this one could be good like Scarecrow(88')? LOL
Post a Comment