Films Not Worthy of a Real Review Part 2

This goes along with a prior post called Films Not Worthy of a Real Review Part 1, which sadly, I couldn't find in any of my blogs. I remember writing it, but not a single movie I put on it, so I guess it was titled appropriately. Well, here's a few more I recently watched that didn't really merit thorough Side Show analyzation:


Zombie Dearest (2009):
From the jump, this had so much potential with it's Shaun of the Dead/Fido antics, but ended up leaving me hanging. Director David Kemker plays the lead role perfectly, along with David Sparrow as Quinto the Zombie, and Shirley Temple-haired Shauna Black rounds it out with her cuteness. Zombie comedies are the rave these days, and this fits in perfectly, even though the ending may leave you a little disappointed.


Hoodoo for Voodoo (2006):
The best thing about this movie was the boobage and catch phrase t-shirts everyone wore, but like many others, fails to entertain outside of that. The gore and dialog were lame, which may have been the intent, but it couldn't even be saved by Linnea Quigley (looking rather old I might add), cameos by Debbie Rochon and Lloyd Kaufman, or Tiffany Shepis's boobs.


Hanger (2009):
After watching this, my first impression was to write it off as just another film made to shock, but since then, I can't seem to get it out of my head. It's not a great movie, but does have several WTF? moments, and maybe just enough quirkiness for my appetite. So, I've decided to buy and rewatch it. What I do remember is Debbie Rochon plays a pregnant hooker who's pimp doesn't like the fact that his prize ho has gotten knocked up, so he aborts the baby with a hanger. Baby lives, but is deformed, and the father comes along on his 18th birthday to help rear his son. Boobs, crotch, labia, blood, oddities, this film has it all, but sadly, you'll walk away shaking your head wondering what train wreck you just watched. This is the same director that did Gutterballs, which I reviewed.


Home Movie (2008):
This is about a twin brother and sister who start mutilating animals, and then a friend, and then their parents, who somewhat ironically, are a minister and therapist. Hand-held cam type of movie that was an hour and a half of wasted time. I was excited when this finally got released outside of the IFC/Blockbuster circuit, but it ended up being easily forgotten. Watch Ghost House Underground's The Children, or the original Children of the Corn (not that crappy Syfy remake) instead.


Penanace (2009):
Penance had several boobs, but is some kind of a Nazi/Ilsa/Martyrs purification movie about strippers who get drugged, locked up, and tortured in order to purify their souls. Another movie intended to shock, which is portrayed in a scene where a guy cuts out this chick's clitoris (no close ups) and puts it a jar with others, and then cuts off his nuts and puts them in a jar. This may disgust or be shocking to some, but I thought it was quite ridiculous. Then again, I'm kinda numb to most things intended to make my eyes pop out, make me piss or crap myself, or make me vomit. Don't confuse this with August Underground's movie of the same name, which really, isn't any better.

And so, my search for Movie of the Year continues...