Schoolgirl Hitchhikers is about BFF’s Jackie (the blonde) and Monica (the brunette) who do everything together, including inviting themselves into an abandoned house, and then sleeping in their bed (Goldilocks style). After fooling around with Jackie (and eating her porridge), Monica grabs a smoke on the balcony, only to find that the lights are on downstairs, and neither of them had left the room. So, she investigates, and finds that petty thief Pete also inhabits the dwelling. So, what's a woman to do, but turn on her seductive gaze and get laid? Jackie wakes up, goes downstairs, and joins the festivities too, little nudging needed.
The next morning, the girls wave au revoir, and now enters the angry dominatrix chick and her goon, looking for Pete’s jewels (ha ha, no, not those). The girls are gone, the jewels are gone, and so the hunt is on. They're tracked down, chloroformed, and taken back to the house. Jackie is tied up, stripped, and whipped, but knows nothing, while Monica is in the other room seducing the goon so she can make a break for it. In what I though would be another drawn out scene of fornication, abruptly ended with a vase-to-the-head bashing. So, she finds a private investigator (and his pigtailed partner), gives them the low-down, and they head back to the house, only to find it empty (signified by an uncalled for baboon howl). WTF? This gives a great segue into the WTF/random thoughts portion of the review:
-From afar, Pete kinda looks like Tom Savini or Charles Bronson.
-I’d like to see Ms. Pigtails get naked.
-The great shoot out. How many bullets does a six-shot revolver really have? More than that--obviously!
-Monica’s shirt just came off, yet again, and she’s being beaten by the dominatrix.
-Monica and Pete go at it again, and the dominatrix is a voyeur…go figure.
-All the chicks get a wardrobe change.
-Yes! Pete whips out the belt and makes Ms. Pigtails get undressed. Damn, what a disappointment.
-The jewels are still missing…who’s that pulling into the driveway?
-Monica uses her seductive ways yet again, and it has the power to unearth precious stones.
-Pete is a fraud, the gems are fake.
-Magnum P.I. and Ms. Piggy save Pete from the vengeful dominitrix.
-Reunited once again, Monica and Jackie kiss, and then go frolicking off into the woods.
Simply put, Monica is a nympho, a tease, and will get naked with anyone. The first 30 minutes are pretty much nothing but sex. First, Monica with Jackie, then Monica with Pete, and then Monica and Jackie with Pete. While there are a few brief moments of eroticism, the sex scenes are laughable, and way too long, and when Monica goes nuts in a climactic fury while Jackie is kissing/licking on her belly, it’s absolutely ridiculous. This is not one of Jean’s best works, and perhaps he was just coming off of one of his porno stints. It’s almost as if he had been watching British comedies too, because that's about the humor level portrayed, and one I'm not a fan of.
The big question is, what happened to Jean’s token orgasmic backdrops and supernaturally overtoned storylines? Schoolgirl Hitchhikers was released in between two of his more known releases, Nude Vampire and Lips of Blood, and done under one of his aliases, Michel Gentil (taken from his full name, Jean Michel Rollin Le Gentil). This film may have been an embarrassment for him, or just a money making project, since he didn’t even tack on his real name to it, then again, maybe he didn’t deem it worthy of the Rollin stamp because he didn’t write it. I can only speculate, but unless you’re an unrelenting fan, and feel your life would not be complete without owning every feature of his, I’d pass on it, and re-visit some of his better known works. Sadly, the maestro’s life was taken from us on December 15th, so R.I.P. Jean Rollin (1938-2010), you will be missed. I really hope someone releases his most recent film, Le masque de la Méduse (Mask of Medusa). And, for the 2-0-1-1, I hope to bring a refreshing breath of air to the Side Show Review for the new decade!! Stalls and Smokeskrene, you with me?
A side note: The coverart for Schoolgirl Hitchhikers on Amazon is a little deceptive, since neither of the chicks pictured on the cover are in the film. This looks like a marketing ploy used to drive in a new audience of viewers, but the actual artwork is seen at the end of the trailer above.
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OVERALL RATING--2-- |
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