Friday the 13th Part 1 (1980)

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The year: 1958
The setting: Camp Crystal Lake

From the jump, Friday the 13th doesn’t pull any punches, as it sets the stage for all the films to come. Two camp counselors sneak off to make out, and within the first 4 minutes of film, we get the first kill, and what is believed another to follow, right before the opening title and score.

Now, jump to present day on Friday the 13th, where a girl is looking for camp Crystal Lake (aka Camp Blood) and is warned by the local loony, old man Ralph, that the place she seeks, “has a death curse…and she’ll never come back again.” Well, this rings true, because while she's hitch-hiking to camp, she’s picked up by a jeep, chased through the woods by the driver, and killed.

The other camp counselors, which include a young Kevin Bacon (Jack), and cute redhead Adrienne King (Alice), make their way to camp to help set up. It’s pretty clear that jokester, Neddy, will be one of the first to meet his demise, and he does as the #4 kill. Jack and his girl sneak off to a nearby cabin to do the nasty (boob scene), and when she leaves to take a pee, Jack gets an arrow through his chest/lower neck (from someone lurking under the mattress), and she takes an axe to the head while in the head (bathroom).

Brenda responds to what sounds like a little boy’s cry for help, and goes out in the rain only to get waxed on the archery range. That leaves the camp director, who’s offed within minutes, Alice, and Bill (the Brave). But, it isn’t long before Alice finds Bill dead too, so she barricades herself in her cabin.

She sees a jeep pull up and runs out for help, only to find that her “help” is the killer. If you ask the average Joe who was the killer in the first Friday the 13th, they’d probably say Jason, or the hockey mask guy, but they’d be dead wrong, since it was Jason’s mother, Pam Voorhees, played by TV veteran Betsy Palmer. See, Pam is still distraught and avenging her son’s death, who drowned years earlier while camp counselors weren’t watching. And, it’s pretty clear that Pam has went off the deep end too, as she somewhat assumes the roll of Jason, and even talks to herself in his voice.

But, all her attempts to take out Alice are thwarted, and in the final struggle, Pam’s head is lopped off with a machete. Then, the sympathetic music starts to roll, and we see that Alice has fallen asleep in a canoe while out on the lake. As she wakes, lil Jason comes out of the water and drags her in, but it’s only a dream, as she wakes up hysterical in the hospital and asks if the boy was found. And, the next lines set this up for the sequel:
Officer: “We didn’t find any boy…"
Alice: "Then he’s still there…”

Friday the 13th not only sets up the premise for it’s sequels, but also for many movies to follow. But, I had to wonder what movies might have inspired this one, and I couldn’t think up a single predecessor that had a similar plot. It’s a simple one, yes, but it hadn’t really been done before (that I’m aware of), and Smokeskrene believes the mother/son relationship was taken from Psycho.

After not having watched this for a couple years, it’s pretty tame by today’s standards, and even to it’s follow ups, but it’s still a great watch, and helped set in motion the long FX career of Tom Savini. Once this was released on Blu Ray, I knew I’d have to get it, even though my player is still sitting in the box awaiting it’s hi-def TV counterpart. But, while at the Fangoria convention in Chicago earlier this year, I was able to get it signed by Mr. Savini (as part of my ticket purchase), and I was going to have Ms. King sign it at Texas Frightmare Weekend in Dallas, but just couldn’t justify spending the 20 bucks. My loss, maybe, but I don’t pay for autographs for myself unless it’s a great deal, and preferably a bundle package.

Well, this officially starts the 13 Days of Friday the 13th. I encourage all fans to rewatch them all, and for those just getting on the Jason bandwagon with the new film, go review the originals and see how true FX were done with no CGI enhancements. Trust me, you’ll be in awe by how they pulled some of the things off.

ACTING --4-- HUMOR --1-- BLOOD/GORE --3-- NUDITY --1-- CINEMATOGRAPHY --4-- MAKING OF A CLASSIC --4--

OVERALL RATING --3.5--

13 Days of Friday the 13th

So, the Side Show Reviewers have taken on the feat of attempting to review every Friday the 13th movie over the next 13 days, ending on June 16th with the remake/revisioning (Friday the 13th (2009)). Quite a task, yes, impossible, no, plausible, well ummm, we'll see.

All three of us have a fondness of Jason Voorhees, and I'd have to trace mine back my to when I was around 10-12 yrs old. I remember renting Part 5 with my buddy, Scott, who I was staying the night with. We ordered pizza, popped it in the VCR, turned off all the lights, and shut the door to his bedroom. While it was playing, I crept out to go to the bathroom, and when I sneakingly tried to come back in, he got scared and started yelling, "Mom, Kris is trying to scare me." It was some funny shit that still makes me chuckle today, and it definitely sparked "a new beginning" in my fanship of Mr. Voorhees.

But, it probably wasn't until after I started rewatching them over the years, that I realized just how deep my interest (obsession?) was. Out of all of the other slasher genre killers, Jason reigned supreme. Freddy was funny at best, Michael was okay, but got a little boring, and Leatherface was cool, but after TCM3, I questioned where this story was going. Maybe it was my fascination of the hockey mask and/or machette, maybe it was his relentlessness to avenge his mother's death, or simply the creativeness in his emotionless killings, whatever it was, I'm not completely sure, but it seemed like Jason couldn't be stopped and it had me hooked.

So, over the next 13 days (or so), Stalls, Smokeskrene, and I will run down all the films in this franchise. Some reviews may seem more thorough as we each have personal attachments to certain ones, but don't get us wrong, we all love Jason and will try not to disappoint, but do have blasted day jobs to attend to ya know!! So, enjoy the next 13 days of the most world-renowned killer....

(And don't be surprised if you see one or two non-Friday the 13th titles thrown in, since we really are trying to get more posts up, and I have a lot of apologizing to do for lapsed reviews.)

Bad News for Ryko Distribution

My friend and promo connection, Tony Spinosa, from Ryko Distribution, told me today that his last day is May 29th. Warner Home Video has decided to close Ryko's doors and consolidate them into their other indie label, ADA. Ryko distributed films for Severin, Synapse, Mondo Macabro, Cult Epics, Redemption, Troma, Blue Underground, and many more. It'll be sad to see my friend go, I wish him the best of luck and hope to work with him again soon. Thanks for everything you've done, Tony!!

News article:
Ryko Distribution merged with ADA
25 staffers to lose positions
By Ed Christman, Billboard

April 23, 2009, 07:55 PM ET
NEW YORK -- The Warner Music Group is folding Ryko Distribution into Alternative Distribution Alliance company.

As part of the move, all labels signed to Ryko will be handled by ADA, with the transition expected to occur over the next 45-90 days. Ryko Distribution has annual sales of about $50 million; Billboard estimates the merged company's annual volume at $200 million. In order to accommodate the extra volume, ADA will add 12 people to its staff.

Meanwhile, the 25-person Ryko staff will be laid off, and those staffers can apply for the new ADA jobs, WMG sources say. Ryko Distribution president Jim Cuomo will serve as a consultant.

The Warner Music Group acquired Ryko Distribution in 2006 as part of its $67.5 million acquisition of the Rykodisc label. The label will continue to operate and will now be distributed by ADA. While it is consolidating the two independent distribution companies into one, the WMG still sees the independent sector as a strategic growth area and it is expanding ADA's capabilities, sources say.

In other moves WEA, WMG's major label distribution company, will cut maybe 10 staffers that call on smaller accounts and service those retailers through tele-marketers, sources say. Some back office functions at ADA and WEA will be combined at WEA.

Rise of the Scarecrows (2009)

Don’t buy it on Amazon.com or anywhere else!!

So, when I saw the title Rise of the Scarecrows, I thought, hey, this could be a great addition to the Scarecrow horror genre. Now granted, there are some real duds out there, but I really liked Scarecrows (1988), Scarecrow (Kakashi) (2001), and even Scarecrow (2002), which was my first introduction to Tiffany Shepis, but with clothes. So, I thought I’d give Rise a whirl.

It starts out with a cute chick hitchhiking on a wooded road in Massachusetts. Luckily for her, the (black) sheriff picks her up (instead of some backwoods maniac), and offers his help, but not before warning her of the dangers of getting in a stranger's car. I’m assuming he was off-duty, since he was driving a Cavalier and not a squad car, but then again, maybe that’s all the podunk county could afford (which sadly happens to be the case). Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing Cavaliers, I had one for 10 years and it did me right, but it definitely wasn't winning any high-speed chases. So, he takes her to the other side of town (like a minute away), draws his weapon, and tells her to get out. Somewhat confused, she wanders into the forest, only to be attacked by something off-screen (loud scream). Hmmm…a scarecrow perhaps???

The new guy in town, Mr. Brown (a heavy set brutha), joins the force as deputy sheriff to get away from the big city police life. But, even in the little city of Adams, woes start to weigh high as the recession hits hard, and rumors of "the scarecrows" start leaking out. The sheriff and his deputy look kinda like a black Laurel and Hardy.

Three dudes are on a road trip, but their “Jap piece of shit” (a Hyundai I believe) breaks down and they have to stay the night at a campground until the local mechanic can help the next day. While searching for a good spot to rest for the night, some dude (another black guy), pops up outta nowhere, and warns them about the scarecrows. He goes on further to tell the ridiculous back story of how the sheriff killed three dudes and then buried them, but they came back with a blood lust...blah, blah, blah.

What follows is a ridiculous movie with a rag-tag cast, who obviously don’t have much acting experience or ability (they looked right at the camera for crying out loud (an acting no-no)), shitty dialog and delivery, crappy editing and camera angles, off-screen kills, and stupid burlap sack wearing scarecrows. The only things that didn’t make it a total waste of time were the one nude scene (nice cha-chas of Amanda Nigro), and the vulgar bluegrass soundtrack. And, I must say, this had more black folks than any other non-black horror movie I’ve ever seen. Not that that's a bad thing, other than the fact that they couldn't act to save their ass, but really surprising. The only person who seemed to have any visible acting training was the sheriff, played by Cedric Howard, someone I'd never heard of before.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve seen a lot of horrible movies (like some, but hate most), and been in one too (in some people’s eyes that is), but this one is really high on the Stink-O-Meter, and not in a bad/good way either. I’ve seen better movies by Brain Damage Films, which some would consider the industry low. But, if you really like crummy movies that stay crummy throughout, this is your bag. I didn't get the feeling that this was supposed to be a campy movie either, and even during the fighting and death scenes, the camera angle is so far off that you see fists and weapons hit nothing but air, yet they seem to knock people down. I'd have just made everyone sign a no-liability waiver so they could punch and kick the shit out of each other (if need be) in order to get a good shot.

So, if you like scarecrow horror, don't watch this movie because it only ruins the reputation of the good ones. But, if you want to scare the crows away, put a copy of this in your field or garden and I’m sure it will do the trick.

Most memorable quote:
“You better shut the fuck up bitch, [or] I’ll knock your teeth all the way down to your ass.”

ACTING --1-- HUMOR --2-- BLOOD/GORE --1-- NUDITY --2-- EDITING/CAMERA ANGLES --0-- STINK-O-METER --5--

OVERALL RATING --1--

The Exorcist (1973)

Buy it now!!

The Exorcist, a movie that has gone down in the history of cinema as the crowning jewel of the horror genre. Even the cover itself calls it “The Scariest Movie Of All Time,” Obviously, they are not joking around with this movie. The back of the case quotes Michael Wilmington of the Chicago Tribune as saying “Even better than in 1973. Still a movie that can scare the hell out of us.” With all these things pumping it up I figured the movie would rock. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen it before but this time it was the version I’d never seen, the uncut version of the movie that couldn’t be played in theaters back in the day. I took it to my cousins house we shut off the lights and started it up. I’ll admit that after everything was said and over with, I was slightly let down and here’s why.

Firstly I don’t think I was honestly scared once, maybe I was the first time I saw it, but nothing really freaked me out this time around. And second, I think I watched it in the wrong time frame. This is a movie that came out in 1973 and let’s all be honest, things were different back then. I can imagine that when this movie came out nothing like it had ever been done before and it was a complete shock to everyone that watched it. It might be the fact that I’m watching it over 35 years later, or it could be the fact that I watch some strange movie anyway but nothing caught me as particularly odd or out there. Granted there were some scenes that I can see certain people having issues with, such as the crucifix scene, or some of the things that Linda Blair’s character yells out.

With that said however, there were some things I completely loved about the movie. The scene where she walks down the stairs is great (I don’t want to give anything away if you haven’t seen it). And any time you have a character masturbating with a crucifix while yelling “Fuck Jesus, Fuck You” over and over and then later tells a priest that “Your mother sucks cock in hell” then the movie can’t be all that bad.

Acting: I give it a 5. Linda Blair(although I hear she’s a bitch now) really pulls off the character of Regan quite well. Reverend William O'Malley is great as Father Dyer and the rest of the cast is awesome in their role’s as well.

Humor: Gave it a 3 here. Not a funny movie, but there were scenes that made the laugh just a little. Like the scene with the statue that has been desecrated and the first time that Regan pukes up on someone just tickled me the right way.

Blood/Gore: Maybe it’s the fact I’m part of the new generation of horror movie watchers, but I think there should have been more blood or gore here. There is a part where Regan bleeds out of the mouth and then the part with the crucifix, but other than that not too much going on in this department. Have to give it a 3

FX: No nudity in this movie, but then again who’s really supposed to get naked in a movie like this anyway right? Instead I focused more on the FX used during the film, and again I have to go back to the staircase scene, which I honestly think is one of the greatest FX I’ve seen in a long time, which says a lot when you consider they made this back in 73. That along with the make-up they put Linda Blair in during her late stage of being possessed is simply amazing. Another 5 here.

Cinematography: Really good throughout, except for the scenes where Regan and her mom are talking to the numerous medical officials trying to figure out what her problem is. Maybe it’s the fact most of the rest of the movie is dark compared to this scene, but it just seemed really bright in contrast. Give it a 4 though because the rest of the movie is done so well.

Directing: William Friedkin did an awesome job with this film I must admit. I’ve never read the book or the screenplay, so I’m not sure how close I think he should have been but it was a great job none the less. At least he was willing to go out and make something like this at a time when nothing even close was being done in the world of movies. Unless I’m forgetting some movie that pushed the envelope before this one did, he did an amazing job. I give it a 5

ACTING --5-- HUMOR --3-- BLOOD/GORE --3-- FX --5-- CINEMATOGRAPHY --4-- DIRECTING --5--

OVERALL RATING --3.5--

WISCONSIN DEATH TRIP

Buy it now!!

When I was younger I remember reading a Static-X interview where Wayne Static told the story of how they named their first album. He came across a book that was full of newspaper clippings and photo’s about a town that had gone mad. As I was browsing my netflix play now the other day I came across a documentary by the same title. Basically people who settled this area were offered great deals on land. But when they tried to use the land for farming it turned out to be pretty much useless. Depression and sickness settled in along side of poverty. People went mad killing themselves, their lovers and sometimes their children. Children went mad and killed adults. People gained weird obsessions like breaking windows. Other people murdered more people. I think you get the idea. Instead of plaguing you with bad reenactments, the director makes silent black and white reenactments that don’t compromise the integrity of the story by being bad. Having everything narrated instead of poorly acted is a treat. Full of information and very stylishly put together makes this a taste great less filling documentary you have to watch at least once.

NARRATING --5-- HUMOR --3-- BLOOD/GORE --1-- DEATH --5-- INSANITY --5-- DIRECTING --4--

OVERALL RATING --4--

Mum & Dad (2008)

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Birdie takes her new friend, Lena (Angel), home to meet Mum and Dad. Within minutes of entering the house, Birdie and her brother, Elbie, disappear, and Lena gets bashed over the head with a hammer. Upon waking up, she hears screams, and sees Dad entering the room with a bloody hammer in his hand. Out of another door emerges Mum, who shrieks warnings not to piss Dad off. Lena is tied up, drugged so she cannot scream, and tortured (her stomach pierced with what appears to be a knitting needle), while Elbie watches through a peep hole and jerks off in excitement. But, like father, like son, as we soon see Dad getting off by screwing someone’s inards (a liver?).

Lena's situation doesn’t get any better, and after several foiled escape attempts, we find out that Birdie and Elbie aren’t just victims of their psychotic parents, but are their puppets and henchmen. Birdie gets jealous over the attention Lena gets, and does what she can to get her in trouble, but Elbie has a little more compassion and helps Lena out. While exploring the house, Lena sees two more victims, and is able to get ahold of a tool, which looks like a screwdriver, but could be a circular file. But, does the object at hand really matter when your whole intent is revenge and escape? Naw, almost anything can become a weapon of destruction.

It’s apparent that the writer/director wanted to push the envelope, but the “Christmas” scene is somewhat absurd. There’s a guy crucified to the wall, obviously in resemblance to Jesus, but also like the totem-piece of the season, a Christmas tree. The kids get presents, knives and porno mags, and Angel gets a new dress for the big event. Angel’s feistiness gets her locked back up, and when Dad comes down to have his way with her (Mum's present to him), he gets stabbed in the back of the neck (amongst other places), and Mum and Birdie are soon to follow. The final scene is one of triumph over evil, where Lena finishes off Mum and Dad, and then screams in despair/relief, as we’ve seen many times before. What immediately came to mind was Marilyn Burns in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, although not as elequently done.

This film is somewhat reminiscent of The Girl Next Door, but not the one with scantly clad Elisha Cuthbert. But, the torture and degradation of young women for the pleasure of demented folks isn’t a new concept. If anything, it’s become the norm in horror over the past few years: Hostel, Live Feed, Martyrs, Stash, Great American Snuff Film, and the list goes on and on. Thinking back, though, two movies really stand out: 8MM and the notorious Salo: 120 Days of Sodom. Dealing with similar, yet different subject matter, imagery from these movies have been embedded in my cranium forever.

If you like these kind of movies, then give Mum & Dad a run. Perry Bensen nails the part of Dad, and even though the story seemed a little rushed, I'm sure it’ll keep your attention. If you haven’t seen the others mentioned above, excluding Stash and Great American Snuff Film, which are just crap, skip renting, and go buy them to add to your collection. My next movie venture in this subject matter will be Bill Zebub’s Breaking Her Will, which he assures me is “disturbing…and ultra niche.” Yeah, although my curiosity got the best of me and I bought it (mainly because he wouldn’t send a screener), I won’t hold my breath that it’s anything great or earth shattering. So, go get the others, and enjoy a weekend of torture and dismay.

ACTING --4-- HUMOR --1-- BLOOD/GORE --3-- NUDITY --1-- TORTURE-RIFIC --3-- CREATIVITY --3--

OVERALL RATING --3--