Mar 11, 2009

Cannibal Terror (1981)


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My buddy, Paul, requested I review this, so after a few (long) months of absence, what a better way to revisit the Side Show Review than with Cannibal Terror. Jess Franco is listed as an uncredited writer of this, and if you’re a fan of Franco, you know that movie quality is usually questionable, but boobs are a plenty. It’s really a love or hate relationship, and although I do own several of his films, I’m also embarrassed to admit that I’ve seen some of them. Maybe since Lina Romay was not cast in this, Franco decided to take his name off, or it could just be because of how much it sucked.

Obviously taking inspiration from Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox, Jungle Holocaust, and Franco’s own Cannibals, this tries to cash in on the popularity of the genre, but becomes a weak and unentertaining entry. And, I’m sure if Franco had had more involvement, there would've been more sex and nudity to offset the boring plot and overused gore scenes.

Petty thieves, Roberto, Mario, and Nina, decide to kidnap the daughter of a wealthy automaker in order to score it big. They meet up with Mickey, a girl hired to drive them through the jungle to their drop off point. The jeep overheats, and when she goes to get water, she’s taken by a tribe of cannibals (Indians as they’re called) back to their village where she’s killed and eaten. Familiar premise, huh? These cannibals look far from primitive, and not even from the same tribe, or from a tribe at all. Not to mention, their face paint looks like a kindergarten finger-painting contest. And, to further the inconsistency, when Roberto and his gang hear Mickey's gunshots, they jump back into the jeep and haul-ass outta there, making it to their final destination (Antonio’s house) just fine, even though the radiator was supposedly out of water and had smoke rolling from under the hood. This just sets the tone for things to come.

Once introductions are made, Antonio leaves for a bit, while his wife, Manuela, decides to take a bath (which is located outside). Hmmm...probably not the best idea with a house full of strangers, but hey, mi casa, su casa I guess. Mario takes an interest, and when she notices his oogling, she grabs her clothes and runs away, only to be chased, tied up, and raped. When Antonio returns, he finds her (still tied up) and vows his revenge, but then they party the night away as if nothing happened. And, to add insult to injury, Manuela rubs all over her assailant as to say, thanks for raping me, please do it again. The next morning, Antonio invites Mario to go hunting, and they wind up at the same spot where Manuela was assaulted. With gun in hand, Antonio ties Mario to the same tree, with the same rope (still hanging from the day before), and signals his cannibal friends to have their way.

The rest of the movie is pretty much run, chase, and kill scenes. The cannibals, oh I mean Indians, kill a few, and sacrifice a few of their own, while the wealthy father comes with his own posse to get his daughter. In the end, the family is reunited, and Roberto and Nina die in the same fashion as Mickey, split down the middle with guts hanging out, just right for a cannibal feast.

This was possibly the worst cannibal movie I’ve seen. Granted, there was one scene where I was slightly impressed by the realism of the special effects (in the first kill scene), but still, it's easily forgotten as is the rest of the movie. I've read that Franco’s Cannibals is even worse, and I do own it, but will be lucky if I get to it in the next 6 months. :(

Well, it’s great to be back, and I hope not to disappoint my loyal following (of five or so) with anymore long hiatuses. I apologize if this review seemed a little rushed, or was not very insightful or entertaining, but hey, it’s been a while and I gotta get back into the groove. But, you can look forward to reviews of Zombie Cheerleading Camp and Mindflesh here soon. Thanks for reading, and maybe this year we'll see the resurrection of Smokeskrene!

ACTING --2-- HUMOR --1--
BLOOD/GORE --2-- NUDITY --1--
DUBBING --2-- DIRECTING --2--
OVERALL RATING

--2--