Putting remakes aside, have you ever looked at the artwork for a new movie and thought, I've seen that before? I'm sure you have, especially in the last few years, as marketing depts are lazy these days, and just rehash images to suit their needs. I recently had a light bulb experience when I saw the coverart for Nude Nuns With Big Guns, which will be released by Image Entertainment on February 14, 2012. So, what did it look like? Kevin Smith's Red State.
It shouldn't be a surprise, but I was a bit stunned by how similar they look. Sure, one has some chick looking up into the heavens and the other has a nun who's nodding in prayer, but both have a big ass gun, and neither look too shy to use it. And, is it mere coincidence that both stories have a religious base? I’m sure one can find more instances of artwork like this (chicks embracing high caliber weapons), but this seems a bit blatant on Image's part, seeing that Red State was released here in the states first. Now, Nude Nuns was actually released first, overseas, but with different artwork.
I could be totally off base in thinking that Image ripped off Red State, as it may have been part of the international marketing campaign all along, but several websites had this picture when Image announced their release.
All three, a bit different in significant ways, yes! Anyway, Nude Nuns With Big Guns is the second feature from Joseph Guzman, who brought us Run! Bitch Run!, which I unofficially proclaimed as 2009's Movie of the Year. Now, I failed to give Run! a proper review, but it was the holidays, and I was knee-deep in retail hell, so please forgive me. It's one I need to re-watch, then maybe I can give it the dues it deserves.
If you want to pick up Nude Nuns before the pack (like I did), head over to Amazon and get an import region free Blu Ray for about what the U.S. release will cost on Valentine's Day.
Nov 17, 2011
There's something peculiar about Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)
Nov 13, 2011
Necronos Tower of Doom (2010)
When I think of German horror, Jörg Buttgereit, Olaf Ittenbach, Andreas Bethmann, and Andreas Schnaas come to mind. While I’d say that Jörg mastered the craft with Nekromantik 1&2 and Schramm, I hear good things about Olaf, but have yet to see any of his films (even though Premutos and Dard Divorce sit in my collection). I ran across Andreas Bethmann several years ago through Xploited Cinema, and really liked his work, but Andreas Schnaas's Goblet of Gore looked like a 3rd generation VHS dub and seemed a bit too low budget for me (maybe it was just the copy I had).
This brings us to a new name in German splatter cinema, the Rohnstock Brothers (Lars and Marc). I ran across a mention of their newest film, Necronos Tower of Doom, while browsing the internet filling my head with “all things new in horror.” Since there’s so much out there, and everyone’s making a movie these days, I put on the Side Show waders and looked for the cream of the crop. I liked what I saw in the trailer for Graveyard of the Living Dead, and sent Infernal Films an e-mail requesting a screener, not knowing if Necronos had even been completed. Lars replied, and sent me a copy of Necronos, saying that Graveyard was out-of-stock, but he'd be getting more soon.
The basic story is this, Necronos is a wizard who makes a pact with the Devil to gain immortality. In return, he has to enslave the souls of his victims to build the army of darkness, who will do the Devil’s dirty work until he can come to earth and rule. But, the army ends up being a bunch of pussies, so to push progress along, the Devil requests that Necronos find a virgin witch, and send her blood to hell (this will strengthen the army). Well, the witch he finds turns out to be a slut, and so the undead horde remains flaccid, which gets him caught by the king’s men, stabbed repetitiously, decapitated, dismembered, and burnt.
Quite a chunk of plot to swallow, I know, but years later, he comes back to finish what he started, now armed with a demon henchman, Goran, to help reassemble his army, and an old witch to help find a virgin with “the gift.” What follows is a bunch of people getting kidnapped, bound, sliced and diced, beheaded, thrown to the zombie horde, juiced (a big machine actually does this), and impaled. And this time, Necronos is finally the victor, so hell on earth shall commence (maybe that'll be in Part 2).
I must say, I wasn’t disappointed with this film. It delivered tons of blood-splatter, boobs and full frontal (male too, for the ladies), and severed body parts a plenty. The one big gripe I have is about the runtime (a bit over 2 hours). Once it hit the hour 30 mark, my interest had peaked, and the bogged down story took a backseat to me just wanting to see the next visual assault…...or more boobies!
There were some great gore moments, though, which included the double decapitation, animation of the berserker (who was really only used for one scene :( ), and the pregnant lady sacrifice. While I don’t condone Preggosploitation, I give them props for having the balls to take it to that level, I mean, these days you gotta compete with what the French are bringing (the movie Inside). And, one of the most stand-out scenes is the vaginal impalement, an obvious ode to Cannibal Holocaust.
When low budget films try to tell a semi-complex story, there's almost always downers. The decapitation card was played one too many times, and the zombie horde’s feeding frenzy did nothing for me, but became a bit comical. The beginning of the film is supposed to be in medieval times, yet the female captives all have nicely shaven nether regions (and it looks like one has bikini bottoms on). And while I liked the look of Necronos, he was way too wordy and pointed a lot (even in the picture above), and even though he's supposed to be a demon, Goran looks like a mixture of Jason, Freddy, and Santo.
In all, it’s a pretty decent flick, one I’d definitely watch again, and will play at drunken parties. I look forward to seeing their other feature, and thanks again to Lars for sending this. I have high hopes for the Infernal Films camp, and expect much more bloodshed in years to come. If you’re a fan of German horror, check out the Brothers Rohnstock. It’s worth noting that Andreas Schnaas and Timo Rose helped with this film too, and if you look further into German underground horror, you'll see it's like a brotherhood, they're always helping with each other's films. So, maybe Goblet of Gore deserves another try, but until then, I'm gonna blow the dust off Premutos and give Ittenbach a whirl. Bis später!
Nov 10, 2011
Free stuff I've won
What’s better than cheap shit? Free Shit. And, I sure do like winning, especially when it’s horror DVDs and such. I've had a fairly lucky streak over the past couple years, so I wanted to share with you some of my wares.
My latest win is from The Jaded Viewer, who I’ve drawn wisdom, humor, and inspiration from for several years now. Trying to get rid of some of his garbage movie screeners, he held a contest, and in order to be entered, all you had to do was leave a comment. Well, my comment won ("Even if you win a lump of shit, you’re still a winner"), and I got to choose from Ferocious Planet, Savage County, or After Dark Film’s Fertile Ground. I’d already seen two of the three, and didn’t have any interest in Ferocious Planet, so I chose to revisit Fertile Ground. So now, I sit here holding it in my hands as if it were my precious. I'd like to thank the Jaded one again for his hospitality, and please check out his site.
Earlier this year, from Dollar Bin Horror, I won a copy of the Stull DVD (a short movie about the supposed Gate to Hell located near Lawrence, KS), and a Michael Jackson Thriller Comic shirt.
My name was even announced on their radio show a little past the 57:40 mark, and can be heard here. You may need to watch the stupid commercial and let the file load for a minute before you can get there, but yeah, I played it back several times, just to hear my name (I'm egotistical like that).
A couple of Christmases ago, I won a copy of the Silent Night, Deadly Night 3-5 movie collection from Freddy In Space.
You've heard about his blog on here before, and if you haven't started frequenting it, you should now. When asked, "What’s the scariest thing about Christmas?", I said, “A zombie baby Jesus.” And eureka, out of 109 other comments, mine won. For once, my wit earned me more than a punch in the face or a kick in the nads.
A month or two before that, I won the Late Bloomer DVD from Fangoria magazine, but still have yet to watch it.
And, while it wasn't really won, but rather requested, Dr. Terror was nice enough to send me a pair of his exclusive 3D glasses, so I could view his 3D post. I already had a pair that would've worked, but wanted to be part of the "in" crowd, so I asked if he'd send me a pair, and he didn't even hesitate. I didn't have to say the secret word, do the handshake, take a beatdown, or anything. And, thanks to Freddy in Space for sharing the link, otherwise I wouldn't be a part of the 1%ers. Dr. T has some creative thougths and ideas, and also writes for the Blood Sprayer, so be a kind fellow (or lady) and follow his blog.
So, I guess all the time I’ve wasted on reading blogs and tinkering on the internet has really paid off. I also can’t forget those who have sent me screeners for review. While I know I still have some to watch, I thank you for having faith in my abilities, and taking time out of your busy schedules to send them. Also, a big thanks to my industry connections, who have sent me stuff over the years: Tony (Xploited Cinema), Kathy (Koch/eOne), Tony and Kim (Ryko/ADA/WEA), Terry (Magnolia Pictures), John (Hastings Ent.), Strand, Hart-Sharp, Alternative Cinema, Ariztical, and Wolfe. All of you have contributed to the success of this blog, and helped make my movie collection even more insane than I could have imagined.
And, as if I didn't have enough movies already, if you know someone who has a film (short or long) they’d like reviewed, just let me know. While my reviews and interests may seem a bit jaded, I’ll watch about anything, and the crazier the better. That's what makes being a part of the Side Show so much fun! Thanks to all who read this, and for Christmas I'm not asking for money, just pay it forward and tell a friend about this site. But if you must, gifts are always welcomed and appreciated. :)
Oct 31, 2011
Asshole of the Week: Best Buy
So, it’s Halloween day, and I felt the need to touch on a couple things that make big companies look like assholes. Sure, I could easily put Netflix here, and I’ve spoken several times about Warner, but this week it’s Best Buy, who I love and hate. While it seems like their in-store selection continues to dwindle, they do compete aggressively with Amazon and Target to offer the lowest movie prices and exclusives. So, what’s Big Blue done this time?
Not but a day after their Upgrade and Save promotion ended, they offer some of the same titles at $3 less than they were during the promotion, and with no trade-in needed. While these titles were $9.99 after the upgrade coupon, they are now just $6.99, and include Good Will Hunting and Trainspotting on Blu Ray. Sure, it’s only three bucks, but times are hard, and since several people picked these up with the prior promotion (and also had to give up a DVD), it makes it an asshole move. And, during that promotion, there were several titles that went up in price as the last week came to a close, which included all three Friday the 13th Blu Rays.
So, while this discounting giant does offer some great deals, my gripes are 1) keep the Upgrade and Save prices the same throughout the entire promotion, because trying to squeak another $5 out of certain titles (probably the faster moving ones) during the last week, is not only assholish, but quite greedy, and 2) don’t offer titles at lower prices a mere day (or even a few weeks) after the promotion ends. Sadly, this happens with new releases too, where the price drops a couple bucks cheaper than the first week’s sale price, yet it's still within the first three weeks of release.
So, while I’d really like to support new titles, I have to ask, why buy a new movie on street date/week, when it’s just going to be cheaper less than a month later? It’s like paying full price for clothes (who does that?), when a sale is sure to be right around the corner. And, while it’s great for the consumer who waits, it’s stunts like this that cause entertainment to be extremely devalued when reselling it (how often do you see under $5 DVDs or under $10 Blu Rays?), and may be a contributor to why Hollywood and the film industry are in the shitter. So, our Asshole of the Week goes to Best Buy.
Oct 20, 2011
Hisss (2010)
Hisss is Bollywood’s take on a Syfy channel flick, with crappy CGI snakes, crummy dialog, stupid characters, and not-so-great transformation scenes. And, even though there’s a decent looking naked Hindi chick playing the lead, the movie is still better off in the landfill.
After reading about this movie a year or so ago, I don’t recall much more being said, other than the director, Jennifer Chambers Lynch (David Lynch’s daughter), walking away before the editing was done. But, last week I heard it was at Redbox (an exclusive perhaps?), and sure enough, I was able to rent it at one of the local kiosks. Thinking it would be quite an accomplishment for the Red Baron to have it exclusively, I did further research, only to find that it’s also available on Amazon, Blockbuster, and Netflix for rent or download purchase. No word yet on sell-through media, although I’m sure it’ll end up in Walmart's $5 bin, right next to Troma's Redneck Zombies and Echo Bridge's Hellraiser and Children of the Corn multi-packs.
The movie is about the Nagin (Snake Goddess) who has come back to find her mate (a male snake, of course, although some lesbo reptilian love would have been an interesting twist), who has been captured by a guy who hopes to barter with her to get rid of his brain cancer and also gain immortality. Somewhat of a stupid and confusing premise, yes, and even though there's a few bare butt scenes of the Nagin in human form (wouldn't have the same effect if it were just a naked snake, right?), and even a quick, shadowed crotch shot, the overuse of CGI, rubber snakes, and laughable transformations lead to an immediate disappointment (and yawn), and the time spent seemed a bit shameful. Even my recollection of doping up garter snakes with chewing tobacco as a kid were way more entertaining than this movie, sorry PETA. But, not all is lost, as in true Bollywood fashion, we at least get a short (although lackluster) dance number.
So, unless you’re a sucker for bad Syfy-style flicks, steer away from this one. Then again, for a buck (even less if everyone chips in), it may be worth watching with a bunch of friends while consuming massive amounts of alcohol. And, for a few coins more, you can follow it up with Full Moon's Killjoy 3 (also at your local Redbox). We're in a recession, folks, so cheap fun still counts as fun, right?
Pictures courtesy of bloody-disgusting.com:
Oct 6, 2011
A Serbian Film cut or uncut U.S. release?
When I saw that A Serbian Film was finally getting a U.S. release from Invincible Pictures on October 25th, I was happy but skeptical. Wondering if they had the cohones to release the uncut version, I first asked a trusted authority, Diabolik DVD, and according to them, word on the street was that it would be cut by 13 seconds. I kept looking for an official announcement on other sites, but didn't find one. While Amazon says it's unrated, it doesn't say uncut, so I e-mailed Invincible Pictures, and here's the official word from Thomas Ashley:
"The film will be cut by about :30 Seconds. No scenes were completely removed."
So, there you have it folks, it's even too controversial for the land of the free and home of the brave. If you want the uncut version, you'll have to track down the Swedish release (if you can still find one), get it on the collector's market, or take your chances on a torrent. Sure, it's way too extreme for most, but like 2 Live Crew said, "The First Amendment gave us freedom of speech, so whatcha sayin it didn't include me?"
**Update: As of May 2012, Invincible Pictures has released an Unrated version on DVD, but not Blu-Ray, and it can be purchased on Diabolik DVD and Amazon.
Sep 28, 2011
Small Successes in the Video Industry aka The Power of One, My Two Cents, and Toot My Own Horn
I try not to toot my own horn when I've done something great, yet I still do (because I have low self-esteem and a short man complex), but I really try not to be arrogant about it or steal anyone's thunder. I’m a firm believer that one person can make a difference for the masses, no matter how slight or grand. While I’d like to think this blog makes a difference in some people’s lives, I can't be sure, as comments are rarely left on how much we rock or suck. But, the site does have over 6200 hits, which good or bad, says it’s at least being viewed, if only once. That being said, let’s get to the point of this post.
There’s only been a few times in my life (both business and personal) where I’ve taken direct credit for a change I felt could have a wide-spread impact for the better. The first being when After Dark's 8 Films to Die For hit DVD back in 2007. At the time, I was working for an entertainment store, and when I noticed that they had been placed on our rental section by movie title alone, I immediately e-mailed our corporate office and told them that they should be merchandised together, in order to maximize exposure and sales. So, within a day, a ADH (After Dark Horrorfest) prefix was added to the title, so they would now be in the same area. This change took place not only in my store, but in 145 others, so I felt pretty proud of myself, plus, as a fan, I could now steer customers to one location for their bloodletting needs. This carried over to subsequent year’s ADH releases as well, and a similar strategy was used with the Ghost House Underground series. So, a big pat on the back for me, as it's possibly my only claim to fame, other than my notorious goatee, in working for the same company for 10 years.
Some of the After Dark Films, courtesy of Canadian Ebayer havstrength16:
Another story of my greatness (yes, the reek of arrogance) happened most recently, when I purchased the re-release of the movie House 2: The Second Story by Image Entertainment (under their Midnight Madness banner). I already had a copy of the first movie, but both Anchor Bay discs went out-of-print several months ago, and were fetching way more than what they retailed at, so I waited on the Image disc, which was priced around a 10 spot. Before opening it, I noticed it said 1.33:1 fullscreen, whereas the Anchor Bay release was widescreen. So, I cross-referenced several websites, with a couple confirming the fullscreen presentation (Family Video and DVD Empire), but most, including Amazon, saying widescreen. Having product in-hand, I knew otherwise, so I e-mailed Amazon, and within a few days, the correction was made. The same thing happened with Image's re-release of the first movie too, and I'm sure some of the others, but why widescreen wasn't the choice is beyond me (who watches fullscreen anymore if given an option?). So, I e-mailed them directly several weeks ago, but have yet to get a response. Knowing Amazon's customer frequency, and me considering them a very reliable source of information, I just really felt the need to point out the correction. Not to mention, as a customer, I'd be pretty pissed off if I bought something that was misrepresented, and had to spend the time and money to return it. While I’ll never know what the actual impact or customer savings is (I’d like to think it’s huge), I still give myself a pat on the back for my tireless efforts and attention to detail.
Needless to say, I returned the fullscreen copy to the store I purchased it from, and spent a little more on Amazon to get the OOP widescreen version, which as I write, is hovering around 10 bucks plus shipping (damn, even less than what I paid). So, if you’re in the market for this title, steer away from Image’s release (pictured on the left), even though it does have the original (better) artwork, and pick up Anchor Bay's while it's still reasonably priced.
I’ve also read that the recent Blu Ray releases Image acquired from Anchor Bay (Hills Have Eyes and Hellraiser 2) are just upscales from A.B.’s previous masters. Shame on you, Image, you’ve had a great run thus far, and we horror fans expect much more from you, but can only hope you use these mistakes for the wiser, and aren’t headed over Echo's Bridge. (If you didn't get that last poke, Echo Bridge Home Ent. has botched several titles they acquired from Miramax's catalog. Lame humor, I know, but maybe at least one person will chuckle as I did in my head when writing it).
Other titles recently re-issued under Image's Midnight Madness Series from Anchor Bay’s catalog are Slugs, The Stuff, Return to Horror High, Return of the Killer Tomatoes, Initiation, Vineyard, and Blu Ray versions of Hellraiser and Children of the Corn.
Sep 26, 2011
The Unknown (2007)--SRS Cinema
Normally, when I see the SRS Cinema label, I think of shitty, low-budget movies that don’t deserve a 2nd look (other than the early Eric Stanze stuff), but at some point during a horror convention, I picked up a movie called The Unknown (probably bought on the cheap), touted under the SRS Cinema Grindhouse label. What’s different in this and the regular label, shit, I don’t know, but the movie wasn’t half bad.
It’s somewhat of an Amityville style house-possession story, where three friends (Linda, Jake, and Adrien) try to find help for a wrecked car, but end up getting trapped by a house’s evil clutches. Adrien starts acting weird, eating maggots, and having visions of killing (and eventually acting on it), while Jake and Linda try to find their way back to the car, but things happen, and they end up stuck at the house. Yeah, it’s low budget, with some crappy dialog and effects, but still very watchable, and Linda’s thonged bottom looked pretty nice too.
But, there were some really retarded parts that detracted from the story. 1) Some dude comes out of a closet, has a wound on his face and a gun in-hand, writes his thoughts on a piece of paper for Jake to see, then goes upstairs and blows his brains out, 2) The apparition scenes of the old, blurry-faced man telling Adrien to kill everyone, 3) The shaky dude in the attic who had chains around his head, which for a moment was kind of cool, but then seemed irrelevant and unnecessary, and 4) The "Water this Way" markings which helped Jake find the lake. This phrase was conveniently subtitled to ensure we knew what it said, as if we couldn’t read them, and it wasn’t even a pivotal plot piece, so I'm not sure why they wanted to make it a point.
I didn’t hate it, but it's not one I would recommend either, as there’s nothing really noteworthy to take away from it. It's just a mediocre b-movie, and trust me, I've seen worse, but I wouldn't mind watching it again somewhere down the line. The coverart is very simple, yet seemingly effective for a movie of it's caliber, and it has reversible artwork for another SRS Grindhouse movie, Scarred. Smart idea for a small company, not only to promote another movie, but to help keep costs and supplies down. While both discs are available on Netflix, I encourage you to check out Eric Stanze’s Scrapbook and China White Serpentine instead. And, if you like those, check out Deadwood Park and his newest one, Ratline, which were bigger budget projects not released under the SRS tent.
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OVERALL RATING--2.5-- |
Sep 23, 2011
Warner's plan to kill the video rental store
As featured in Home Media Magazine:
Retail and distribution sources say Warner Home Video is set to impose for the first time a 28-day delay on new releases to video stores beginning Nov. 1.
The embargo would include new releases Crazy, Stupid, Love Nov. 1 and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2 Nov. 11, among others.
It remains unclear whether Warner, beginning in January, would impose a planned 60-day embargo on new release titles to all rental channels or just kiosks such as Redbox and Blockbuster Express.
“Some of the Warner reps have called our key customers to let them know about this upcoming change,” said a distributor who wished to remain anonymous. “They have all been consistent with their message.”
The move underscores parent Time Warner and Warner Home Video’s mandate to protect higher-margin sellthrough of DVDs and Blu-ray Disc and transactional video-on-demand from lower-margin rental options.
A Warner representative did not comment by press time.
Now, my thoughts:
The 28-day window was initially set up to benefit brick and mortar stores, more specifically, Blockbuster, the biggest rental chain. And, although a breath of life was blown back into Big Blue, financial woes continued, so more stores closed, causing the public to react by seeking their entertainment elsewhere, and enabling Family Video to move in and gobble up market share. But, if Warner imposes the 28-day window to retail stores as well, then that's another nail in the coffin for the rental industry.
Warner has always been very vocal about rental cannibalizing sell-through, but they should be able to work cohesively, since not everyone wants to spend $15 or more on a movie if they're not sure if it's a keeper. Now, I love the option to rent, and I'm all for cheap rentals, but I tend to scoff at kiosks and their limited selections and title availability. But, I know there's little loyalty to any one rentailer, because it's about the best value and what's most convenient for the customer. Sure, I rent from brick and mortar stores, but also from Redbox and Netflix. Which one I choose when, boils down to what I want to see, when I want to see it, how much money I have, and which one is closer...or open.
My heart aches for the demise of the rental store, as it was a safe haven as a kid and young adult, and until a few months ago, I spent 10 years working in it. I hate that big studios continue to run the industry and run over everyone in their path, but I truly believe that once the smoke clears, Mom and Pop stores shall rise again. Sure, it's all about convenience and our "I want it now" mentality, but as Hollywood continues to disappoint, and indies and international markets bring us the newest ideas and angles, those who choose to weather the storm will triumph.
This isn't the first time I've expressed my distaste for Warner's ways (remember Is Warner Brothers' the Devil?), and I'm sure it won't be the last, since for them, it's never what's in the customer's best interest, but rather who's pockets at the top aren't fat enough. Since I wrote that post, my friend, Kim, no longer works for them (damn downsizing), and Blue Underground, Severin, Troma, Cult Epics, and Synapse/Impulse Pictures got tired of the bureaucracy, and have sought distribution elsewhere, several going to CAV, headed by Jay Douglas, formerly of Ryko/ADA. See, there is life after Warner (and probably a more lucrative one).
So, please support your local rental stores (and even Big Blue), and don't give in to corporate bullying and bullshit.
Aug 22, 2011
Haven't I seen these before? The Ward and Death Stop Holocaust
I rented The Ward last week and was really glad to see that both of the rental stores in town had about 20 copies each. My thoughts after watching it? Well, maybe Carpenter should've stayed in full-length feature retirement, or at least spent more time developing original ideas. Now, that may have been a bit too harsh, but there wasn’t a single thing new or exciting added to the insane asylum/mental patient genre, and I feel this could've been cut down to an hour episode for the Masters of Horror series. Sure, there would have been less character and story development, but would it really matter? There was zero emotional investment in any character but the lead, Kristen (Amber Heard), and that's probably just because she's hot and I didn't want to see her die.
So, the story goes like this: After being admitted to a mental ward for burning down a house, Kristen starts seeing something scary in the shadows (and in fogged up mirrors). Knowing that she’s not crazy, she fakes taking her meds, and spends every waking moment trying to figure out who/what the ghoul is, and plotting her escape. I thought I was watching an episode of MacGyver, because she uses a letter opener to unlock a door, a penny to unscrew an air duct cover, and a bed spring to get her straight jacket off. This chick can’t be contained! But, as mentioned above, all the characters are forgettable, and the retro feel (set in the 60's) felt pretty lame. It’s like he dusted off a script he had packed away from the 70's or 80’s, and decided to make it today, which just did nothing for me.
So yeah, I was thoroughly disappointed, because how many times can the twist ending be a multiple personality thing? Shit, I should have just watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest again to get my loony fix. But I will say, I never really get tired of looking at Amber Heard, and the shower scene was probably the best of them all, with side boob shots of several of the female cast. I just wish Carpenter would have done more with this film, and his failure to do so is probably why the major studios passed on it.
My follow-up feature was Death Stop Holocaust, which I had been looking forward to after seeing a trailer and contacting the director, Justin Russell, for a screener. Needless to say, I'd have to wait, because Shriek Show picked it up, and it was getting an official release in a few months. But, I feel my wait was in vain, because how many times do we have to see the same ideas and imagery rehashed again and again with no refreshing twist? Grindhouse homages and killers in horse and pig masks have been done several times, so let’s please try something different. This is his first feature since his student film, The Gremlin, and it’s easy to see his influences and love of the genre, which was done here on a meager $13K budget. I just really wish he would have broken away from the familiar roles and situations, given us more interesting killers and kills, and with his next feature, The Sleeper (a nod to the slasher/giallo genre) will take us to not so common ground.
I felt I'd seen both of these features before, and while it would be easy to say that creativity in the horror world is dead, which would mean I’ll hate the next 5-10 years worth of new movies, I'll just say it's extremely challenged. I still get excited to see new horror movies, but am often let down with the final product. I liked Super 8 and Final Destination 5, and am looking forward to Don't Be Afraid of the Dark and Shark Night (even though it's Jaws for today's kids), but don't have high hopes for Fright Night or Conan the Barbarian (which looks absolutely ridiculous). Since anyone can make their own damn movie these days (Thanks, Lloyd!), the garbage factor is sure to rise, but I can only hope that diamonds in the rough start to emerge, as the efforts get tiresome, and the landfill is almost full. But hey, if it you saves you money by reading this blog, then I have no problem weeding out the chaff.
Aug 15, 2011
Was The Ward set up to fail?
I use this platform to not only praise things I think are great, but to rant when I see injustices in the horror industry, or after watching poorly made movies. While I was looking at this week’s circulars for Best Buy, Target, and a couple others, I saw no mention of John Carpenter’s The Ward. Now, I haven’t seen this film, but it’s been on my watch list for several months now, and I intend to this week. So, why does this title not deserve any press? Is it because it wasn’t picked up by a major studio and is being released by Arc Entertainment (who the heck is that)? Further research finds Arc Ent. to be a small distribution company based out of Santa Monica, CA, with their most notable titles being the Dragon Dynasty series, which you can find at your local Walmart. Come on (big studio) guys, this is the man that brought us Michael Myers, The Thing (remake), They Live, The Fog, etc. And, with Amber Heard’s recent fame, why can’t these titles get any major promotion outside of the indie scene?
Now granted, The Ward has been awarded an actual release, unlike All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, but it’s like you either already know about it, or it was set up to just creep under the radar, maybe never being discovered by those who don’t shop outside of the major outlets. I have nothing against Best Buy or Target, other than them constantly dwindling their selection, or being out-of-stock on a featured title, but I also find it disheartening to see one of the Masters of Horror’s most recent projects sink into obscurity. I guess it could’ve been a failure of Arc’s marketing team by not pushing big-box retailers to feature it (by giving them discounts in order to sell it cheaper), but if it was simply the retail buying gods passing on this title because it wasn’t “big enough,” then they need to be slapped. While I’m sure Best Buy will have some copies available for purchase, and something tells me it'll be on Walmart's shelves too, the best deal I’ve found is on Amazon, where it's $15.99 on DVD or $17.99 on Blu-Ray.
And, even though I’m really looking forward to seeing this title, and know it's anticipated on other horror blogs too, like Freddy in Space, I sure hope Mr. Carpenter hasn't lost his touch after sitting out of the full-length feature game for 9 years (since Ghosts of Mars). So, once you’ve seen it, feel free to leave a comment, so we can share in it's praise...or misery. On a side note, while I liked Stake Land, I wasn’t blown away by it, but would still pick it up for around ten bucks (on Blu-Ray). Next week, it’s onto Bereavement (the prequel to Malevolence), another highly anticipated title, that is, unless you’re torn on whether you should add Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil to your horror collection. Heck, Leprechan went to the hood (twice), so why can’t they? Oh, I think that’s a different hood they’re referring to. Ha ha!
Aug 12, 2011
A final farewell to Xploited Cinema
By reading my blog, you've heard me mention Xploited Cinema many times, and know how much I loved this company. I credit them for not only having a great site, selection, and customer service (Tony Simonelli is an excellent businessman), but for opening up my eyes to world cinema, and nudging me to get an all-region DVD player, so I would not miss out on these classics. He first introduced me to Andreas Bethmann (Existus Interruptus 1&2, Rossa Venezia), Toe Tag Pictures (August Underground, Redsin Tower (where IMDb credits him as an executive producer)), my first Karim Hussain DVDs (Subconscious Cruelty, Ascension, and now Hobo With a Shotgun), and I got the wickedest Texas Chainsaw Massacre ever released, a 2-disc PAL DVD that just screams bloody goodness.
After having been a loyal shopper for a couple years, I approached Tony about being an affiliate site, where he would provide movies, either at a discount or for free, and I would write a review and link his site, to which he obliged. But sadly, it was a short-lived venture, because a couple of months later, he announced he would no longer be adding any new titles, and would be selling through his existing inventory, eventually shuttering the website and moving onto other things. I was such a fan that I asked if he was interested in selling his site and inventory, but he was not, fearing that the business he poured his heart, soul, and money into, would not be ran with the same vigor. I was crushed, thinking that this was finally my escape from my current job, and I was even willing to take a jaunt to Ohio to see his operation, considered moving there if it panned out. But, it was his baby, and although it was a huge letdown, I understood, so I asked his words of wisdom on getting into the business, and he said to start selling on E-bay, build a name for myself, and then branch out from there. He said he started his business by investing $1000, and after that, he never had to take out a line of credit, but just re-invested his earnings back into it. Eventually, he built such a strong brand, that he blew away every other site on the web (those were my words).
So, now that it's August 15th, 2011, Xploited may disappear from the interweb forever, running one last sale to liquidate it's merchandise. If you haven't been there in a while, never been there before, or threw your last shovel load of dirt on it's coffin long ago, please take one last gander at what the site has to offer. And, may visions of Xploited Cinema (and sugarplums) dance in your head forever.
Tony, I personally want to thank you for always being a true and trusted salesman, running a great site, and opening my eyes to movies I may have never ran across. I wish you all the luck in your future endeavors, and I want you to know that although it never became my reality, I would have done the Xploited name proud, and I can only hope that other sites have used your business model and motto as their inspiration.
For those now pining over where to get your DVD and obscure cinema fix, please visit Diabolik DVD, as they now have the business of genre cinema on lock.
Aug 8, 2011
An Asian movie marathon and a couple others
Freeze Me-A Japanese rape/revenge flick, where a girl gets assaulted, and years later, her assailants come back to reenact what they did before. This time, however, she’s not letting it slide, and she kills each one and puts them in a freezer. As she attempts to rekindle things with her old flame, her secret gets out, so she has to take care of him too, and then plummets to her death (or so we gather). A decent movie in the genre, but all too tiresome with the same violence and assault against women, which is prevalent in Japanese shock cinema.
Ichi the Killer-I saw this many years ago, way before I really knew who Takashi Miike was, and before Japanese splatter cinema made it’s way into the mainstream. So, I thought I’d give it another shot, and to be honest, I was rather bored based off the high praise it always receives, and my vague remembrance. I was doing other things while I watched it the first time, but little did I realize after all these years, that it wasn’t Ichi on the DVD cover, but Kakihara. Duh, I know you’re saying, and starting to question whether I'm a true Miike fan, but I say bullocks, are names really important in these kind of movies anyway? No, it’s about how outrageous situations can be, and what director can one-up the other. Granted, there are some pretty sweet parts in it, like Kak’s mouth/fist sequence, and the hot grease/suspension scene, but compared to the Japanese extreme films of today, it’s pretty tame. I think I need re-watch Visitor Q now.
Wayward Cloud-Quite a quirky little movie with sexual innuendos galore (and some outright in your face), about a porn star who’s been looking for love in all the wrong places, but finds it in the water lady, while a drought is going on. It has musical numbers, a watermelon make out scene, a watermelon birth, AND watermelon sex, and has to be the first melonsploitation movie I’ve ever seen. And, holy shit, that video store has friggin oodles and oodles of movies (VHS and DVD). **Note to self, buy more movies.** If you’re a fan of oddball Asian cinema (this one’s from China), and don’t mind strong, mature subject matter (heck, that’s probably why you’d want to watch it), this may be a film for you.
Puppet Monster Massacre-This puppet/animated feature has been compared to Meet the Feebles and Mad Monster Party. While it does have some of the same humor as MtF, it just didn’t do a whole lot for me. Gramps, Otis, and Raimi are the best characters, and the puppet nudity takes it to the next level, which you obviously won’t see in a Jim Henson movie, but with only a few giggles and somewhat overplayed gore scenes, this was a one-watcher for me. But, get a bunch of friends, throw back a few cold ones, and then put this on, and I guarantee it’ll be a rip roaring good time.
Made in Serbia-After seeing A Serbian Film and Life and Death of a Porno Gang, anything coming out of that region is now a must-see for me. I purchased this from Diabolik DVD (in PAL form), and it's a great accompaniment piece to the two movies above. It focuses on one man’s mission to not only educate himself on the porno industry in his country, but to get the help of lead directors, in order to make his own porno flick, starring his ex-girlfriend, a somewhat retired porno star who is willing to do one more feature before calling it quits and saying goodbye to her home town. The lives of several up and coming actors are talked about, as well as those who just do it for the money. The production value of these films are pretty low-grade, as well as the acting, and it’s a wonder how anyone gets their jollies off this stuff. Different strokes for different folks, that's for sure. It’s definitely worth a watch for those who like porn documentaries, and if you haven’t seen A Serbian Film, it gets an official Blu-Ray and DVD release in the states in October. However, if you just can't wait, Diabolik has a DVD release right now that will only set you back 14 bucks plus shipping.
Aug 4, 2011
Screw double-dipping The Walking Dead
I normally don't double-dip on a title unless it's something I think is super badass and well worth the money, or is a format upgrade. What pisses me off is when companies, especially within the first year of release, re-issue a movie (or music) with extra features not included on the original release. For instance, The Walking Dead series. The DVD and Blu-Ray were released in March, and is getting re-released in October. A mere 7 months later, to tie-in with the second season, AMC and Anchor Bay want us to drop our hard earned cash again for all that stuff they failed to give us on the original release. Amazon currently has the Blu-Ray for pre-order for 42 bucks, but you can pick up the original release for about $25, and that includes shipping. Sure, the new one is like the "Extreme Fan Edition," and I really did like the show and am anticipating the new season, but unless AMC or Anchor Bay are going to offer us a $15-20 trade-in toward the purchase of the new one, then I'm gonna pass. And yeah, I could sell my copy and re-coop some of my money in order to purchase the new one, but paying about $20 more for the black and white pilot episode, commentaries, and making of's isn't worth it to me. However, I do like the new cover, and would pay maybe a couple of bucks for the slipcase.
So, studios, please quit asking me to double-dip, as I have enough other stuff I'd like to spend my money on, like Bereavement, Stake Land, The Ward, and a double-dip waffle cone from Cold Stone or Braums.
Mar 24, 2011
To Buy or Not Buy, That is the Question
While I love to support the entertainment industry with my hard earned dollar (both theatrical and physical media), I frequently feel mislead by marketing, and ripped off by studios who continue to release shit. Since I have minimal shelf space left for mediocre titles, I have to be choosy in what I buy/retain, and I’m always torn on whether to buy in hi-def, or just be satisfied with DVD upversion. This decision hinges mostly on price. For new movies, 20 bucks is reasonable for Blu Ray, and for older ones, $10 deals tend to get me every time, even if I already have it on DVD and haven’t watched it in over 10 years!
Week-in, week-out, I watch several movies, and most are crap, but I believe every movie at least deserves a watch, because who knows when you'll run across the next gem. I also have a vast collection of crap, gems, and ones I just can’t let go of due to fond childhood memories. I’m always looking for the next best thing, or the most obscure titles, but I’m not always compelled to do a review on them, nor do I read full reviews on the sites I follow (which are about 10). I would rather read a brief synopsis, and then reasons why I should or shouldn’t watch it/buy it (call it the lazy man's review). So, in order for you to get more out of your precious time spent here, I present “To Buy or Not to Buy,” the first of several movie quickies to help you decide what to spend your money on, to merely rent/stream, or to run the hell away from.
Fright Flick-lame horror movie within a horror movie premise. Had a couple of strippers/porno stars that bared their big fake boobs, but I wasn't impressed with anything. Another “miss” title from Breaking Glass Pictures/Vicious Circle Films, so only rent/stream if you must.
Siren-three people get boatwrecked while trying to rescue someone on an island (unknowingly, a siren). She has them hallucinating, and then kills them one by one only to overtake the female lead who will continue the business of sirening. Two hot females, a side boob shot, deceptive DVD artwork (Go Lionsgate!), and that's about it. Renter/streamer at best.
Hereafter-lame Matt Damon flick directed by Clint Eastwood where Mr. Jason Bourne can speak to the dead, but then falls in love with a chick who has a near death experience. If you just can’t get enough of Mr. Damon, rent it, otherwise watch Good Will Hunting again.
Sharktopus-an ubercheesy "Roger Corman presents" Syfy flick where a military experiment goes awry, and the sharktopus (half shark/half octopus) starts killing everyone. A Corman cameo, a nice looking chick in a bikini, and a heck of a lot of CGI and ridiculousness. Good for a rent if you like these kind of flicks, just add friends and lots of booze.
Hemingway’s Garden of Eden-another flick where Mena Suvari goes topless (remember American Beauty), and a much hotter Spanish chick (Caterina Murino) bares them too. There’s tons of sex, a really ugly haircut, and lots of snoozy drama. Did I mention tons of sex? Rent/stream.
Sugar Boxx-a throwback to the 70-80’s women in prison movies where we do get the norm: naked chicks in prison, an Ilsa-type warden, a corrupt and horny sheriff, but not much cat fighting. It tried so hard to be an homage to the now lost sub-genre, but other than the "too black, too strong" chick, who carried the show for me, there wasn’t much else that was great. I could easily see this ending up as an after dark feature on Cinemax though. Don’t get me wrong, some of those flicks are entertaining, but you get what you get, and I think this would screen well as a drunk night double-feature with Black Dynamite. Rent/stream.
Shadow-what started off as another Wrong Turn style movie (Yawn), had so much potential when it finally got to the creepy dude who was torturing (electrocution and eye lid removal) the three dudes he just kidnapped. Come to find out, the events may have just been playing out in a dude's head (ex-military) from post-traumatic stress. The creepy dude really was pretty creepy, though, I just wish they'd have done more with it. Rent/stream.
Derby-this is an older Code Red title that I got from Netflix, which started freezing up after about 30 minutes (I assume from the big scratches on the disc), so I didn’t get a chance to finish it. It’s about some dude who wants to become a Roller Derbier. From what I saw, the picture and storyline were pretty shoddy, no nudity, but some roller derby chicks (and dudes) beating the crap out of each other. Pass this one up and rent Blood On the Flat Track.
Dang, all these panned out to be just rentals, but there are a few movies that are well worth buying. If you have a Blu Ray player, pretty much any new release from Arrow Films is a winner. They are region-free Blu Rays, but any extra special feature discs are PAL formatted, so you’ll have to have an all-region player or a PC to view them. They come with 4 different artwork choices, great liner notes, and supplemental material. So far, they blow away all the other releases out there, even the ones that Blue Underground carries. They’re newest titles are: Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond (be aware that there was a picture flaw but they are correcting), Dario Argento’s Deep Red, Inferno, Tenebrae, and Phenomena, Battle Royale, and Bay of Blood. I picked mine up at Amazon.co.uk, and the current conversion rate is 1.00 GBP = 1.61216 USD. Basically, I paid about $25 or less per title with shipping, and the Blue Underground ones are going for $20-25, depending on where you buy them. For collectors, it's money well spent!
For video extremists, I highly recommend A Serbian Film. It has yet to get U.S. distribution, but can be found on the web. There’s not much else I can say that someone hasn’t already, but it's a gritty and vile film, needs to be seen to be believed, and is guaranteed to be talked about for years to come. I liked it, but wasn’t extremely blown away by it, yet it continues to linger in my head, and the more I talk to people about it, the more excited I get about it getting an official release. So, find a copy, and experience the chaos.
The last one that gets my stamp of approval today is Taxidermia, which I mentioned in an earlier post. I sat on a Region 2 copy of this film for over 3 years, and when I heard it was getting an official release here last year, I thought it was time to dig it out. Sadly, that didn't happen until this month (a year later), and I was happy, but disappointed that I hadn’t “experienced it first.” See, it tickles me to say, yeah, I've seen that/own that, but it's not released here yet--it just puts me in the cinephile hierarchy. ;) Needless to say, it was all the weirdness I’d hoped for. My girlfriend even sat through it, but raised a brow every so often like, what in the hell are we watching? Heh heh, she’s such a trooper. This film is sure to have you shaking your head, maybe even gagging a little, and will sit well in your collection alongside Eraserhead and Subconscious Cruelty. If you don't have either of those, you better get to it Bud!
I hope this saved you a few duckets, and there's more mini-reviews to come!
Feb 24, 2011
Franco Face Off: Paula-Paula (2010) vs. Lorna the Exorcist (1974)
Up to this point, Jess Franco has done 209 films, with his latest being Paula-Paula, an “audiovisual experience.” There’s not a lot to this movie, and it can be summed up in one line: Porno Paula kills Erotic/Belly Dancer Paula, but not before she sexes her up. Ha ha, Color Me Badd's I Wanna Sex You Up just jumped into my head, yours too? While it does have some of the “Franco essentials,” there’s a lot left to the viewer to interpret and impatiently sit through. Sure, the meat and potatoes are there (T&A), but this is a long, grueling experience, when popping in a porno (with even more meat and taters in less time) could have sufficed. So, here’s what we get:
Naked Chicks-Check
Full Frontal-Check
Two chicks kissing (longest ongoing onscreen kiss?) and lesbianism-Check
Lina Romay-Check
Overused 70’s Psychedelica-Yes
Storyline-No
Shoddy Dialog-Yes
Looks like it was shot in a spare bedroom with foil backdrops-Yes
Music sounding like it came from a Charlie Brown episode-Yes
Disappearing blood-Yes
IMDB labels this one as a “video,” and rightly so, because other than a few lines of dialog, this thing is filled with piano and jazz music, nudity, and not much more. The disappearing blood comes when Paula slices her lover’s throat (shot up close), but after pulling the knife away, the blood is nowhere to be seen. Jess says he tries hard to bring “new cinema” with each new feature, and touts cinematic freedom, but in reality, this is a horrible 70’s throwback, with nothing new to offer. Sure, he’s got some notable works under his belt, all pretty much from the 70’s and early 80’s, but to allow him freedom these days, means a cinematic disaster. Even with fully naked up-and-comers, this film is garbage, and after seeing this, and some of the works SRS Cinema picked up (Snakewoman, Red Silk, Mari-Cookie and the Killer Tarantula, etc), I think Jess really needs to hang it up.
Naked Chicks-Check
Full Frontal-Check
Two chicks kissing and lesbianism-Check
Lina Romay-Check, and naked too
70’s Psychedelica-No, 70’s attire and style-Yes
Storyline-Yes
Shoddy Dialog-Yes, which is always the case in a Franco flick, yet here it was actually coherent
Disappearing blood-No, disappearing crabs-Yes
Down on his luck, Patrick meets Lorna (Pamela Stanford) at the roulette table a casino, and she sends some of her lucky mojo his way, allowing him to finally win. In repayment, they go up to her room and have a roll in the sheets, where he agrees to give her his yet conceived daughter (Linda, played by Lina Romay) when she turns 18. He then goes back to his hotel, and seals the deal with his wife, unbeknownst to her. 18 years later, and dawning Linda’s birthday, Lorna comes back for what’s rightfully hers, seducing her in dream-like sequences, and some of the worst simulated carpet munching I’ve ever seen.
Not wanting to hand over his daughter, daddy dearest is threatened, and given a seashell knuckle punch (think brass knuckles, but with a seashell) by Lorna’s goon, while his wife, Marianne, is tormented by crotch critters (real baby crabs) that eventually lead to her death. Lorna transfers her powers to Linda via a breast licking/simulated feeding scene, with the final transformation happening after a consummated dildo hammering. Linda, now on the sexual prowess, attempts to seduce her father, but he's able to withstand (all but a long gaze while she's showering). Another attempt is futile, so he gets a knife in the back.
Lorna the Exorcist seems like an inappropriately title, since there's really no exorcisms, religious dogma, or crucifix defilement here. It's merely Lorna passing her devilishness onto her (somewhat) offspring, so Lorna the Devil/Demon/Succubus seems to fit better. Title aside, I really liked it, which seldom happens when I blind buy, but knowing that Mondo always brings quality, and this was shot during Franco’s golden age, I figured how could I go wrong? Sure, it runs a bit too long, and Lorna’s make-up was ridiculously transvestitish, but Linda and Marianne (Jacqueline Laurent) were well worth it, and both were clad with hairy bushes. There is nudity galore (the Franco staple), and he even makes an appearance as a psychiatrist.
Now, I’m by no means an expert on Franco films, but feel like I’ve seen enough to tell you what's carp and what's not, and I believe this is one of his better works, sitting well alongside Sinner: Diary of a Nymphomaniac, Eugenie, and Vampyros Lesbos. I also think it would make a great double-feature with Alucarda (also from Mondo). That was probably cemented in when I saw Lina’s crazy eyes and scream at the end, and thought, what a great segue into a film about devil possessed nuns. Put the kiddies to bed, and get out the popcorn for some blood soaked fun and lots of screaming, better yet, maybe wait until the kids aren't home, so they don't think you're killing their mom. I do have to frown down on Intervision Pictures for choosing Paula-Paula as their first release (which probably has to do with Larry Gold’s friendship and loyalty to Jess), but think The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff has potential, even though I have no clue about the Orloff story, or it's sequels. So, in the meantime, pick up the others mentioned above, and go Franc yourself. :)
While Paula-Paula gets an overall rating of 1, only because of full frontal nudity, Lorna was actually a movie with substance, so rates much better.
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OVERALL RATING--3-- |
Feb 16, 2011
Jan 30, 2011
Did Stephen King really say this?
At first I thought this was some random dude's comment from some random source of media, but at second look, it's from the one and only Stephen King. "The Best American Horror Film..." That had to be taken out of context, seeing that this is a remake of the Swedish film, Let The Right One In, and I've heard it's pretty much a shot-for-shot redo. While I can't speak on either film, because I haven't seen them (although LTROI is sitting in my collection), I can say that it's not an American original. I speculate that other words accompanied these while talking to King, but the marketing and promotions dept at Anchor Bay strategically plucked out these for the DVD release. King can't be that oblivious, but his stamp of approval could translate into dollars. So, maybe it is a great movie, and possibly the best American horror REMAKE in the last 20 years, but to pawn it off as an American classic is a travesty. So, screw what King says, watch both (the original first, of course), and then you can determine which one, if either, should be in the Horror Hall of Fame.
More 9.99 Blu Ray Deals at Best Buy
So, I thought Amazon was going to be the major price slasher on the big horror releases in February (and they still could be), but I just visited Best Buy's website (a Sunday ritual), and noticed some new Blu Ray entries added to their 9.99 and under bins. I Spit On Your Grave (The Original), Last House on the Left (1972), Poltergeist 2, Robocop 2&3, and Heavy Metal and Hatchet 2 (for $14.99). There are also some great non-horror titles, so head on over and fill up your cart, or visit a store on Tuesday for these great/cheap releases.
Jan 27, 2011
Dogtooth (2009)
No, this isn’t the movie poster, but I thought it would be a funny intro. Dogtooth takes us into the lives of a family who have kept their children hidden from society’s evils. They’re home schooled, play childish games and have childlike demeanors, are highly impressionable and somewhat oblivious, clearly dysfunctional, and harshly disciplined for their shortcomings. The parents do a lot to manipulate their kids thoughts, like what is, really isn’t, and make up stories to keep them at bay.
Christina, a security guard at the father’s work, is introduced into the mix in order to satisfy the son’s sexual needs. She’s blindfolded on the car ride to and fro, does the deed, mingles with the family for a bit, is paid for her time, and repeats the process on another day. Well, when the son fails to satisfy her needs, she takes things into her own hands, or should I say crotch, and bargains with the older sister. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop (in return for a sparkly headband)? Only Christina knows, but this prompts the older sister to start bargaining with her younger one (licks for treats). Christina’s devilish ways not only brings curiosity, but ultimately crushes their entire world.
A few horror elements come into play too. The older sister bites her brother’s arm and then later knifes it, all over a toy airplane. The son takes a pair of hedge clippers and kills a stray cat in the backyard. The older sister gets bashed over the head for watching porno, Christina gets bashed with a VCR, and the older sister bashes her dogtooth out with a hand weight. There's lots of bashing going on here! Incest plays out too (the parent's idea), since Christina is no longer welcome, but the son still has his carnal needs.
I could give a play-by-play of how this film unfolds, and may have given too much away already, but Dogtooth has to be watched in order to be understood. Sure, it may confuse and disgust some feeble viewers, and similarities to Blast from the Past and The Village may be recognized, but it’s my (early) pick as one of the best movies of 2011 (even though it was filmed in 2009). It has the shock value of Kids, Gummo, and Ken Park, yet allows a sense of compassion, as the kids are merely puppets of their masters (their parents).
A scene I found humorous is when the younger sister is cutting off her Barbie doll's feet with scissors, and she screams every time she does it. There’s just a sense of childishness we can all relate to, and an innocence we may have lost due to growing up. Much like a pussy is a big light, and a zombie is a small, yellow flower (these are the definitions given by the mother), maybe our adolescent minds have come to learn too much, thus making life way too complicated. Oh, the obliviousness of these kids if they're ever released into the real world...
This is a great movie, and a great feature for the new year. Another movie on my radar is Enter the Void by Gaspar Noe, the man behind Irreversible and I Stand Alone, which are highly recommended, and highly controversial. When I look at people’s “most extreme cinema” lists, these two titles are almost always on there, and that's my kind of cinema, so I have big hopes for his new flick! If you like these, you should like Dogtooth, but either way, it's not one that's easily forgotten.
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OVERALL RATING--4-- |
Jan 6, 2011
Schoolgirl Hitchhikers (1973)
Schoolgirl Hitchhikers is about BFF’s Jackie (the blonde) and Monica (the brunette) who do everything together, including inviting themselves into an abandoned house, and then sleeping in their bed (Goldilocks style). After fooling around with Jackie (and eating her porridge), Monica grabs a smoke on the balcony, only to find that the lights are on downstairs, and neither of them had left the room. So, she investigates, and finds that petty thief Pete also inhabits the dwelling. So, what's a woman to do, but turn on her seductive gaze and get laid? Jackie wakes up, goes downstairs, and joins the festivities too, little nudging needed.
The next morning, the girls wave au revoir, and now enters the angry dominatrix chick and her goon, looking for Pete’s jewels (ha ha, no, not those). The girls are gone, the jewels are gone, and so the hunt is on. They're tracked down, chloroformed, and taken back to the house. Jackie is tied up, stripped, and whipped, but knows nothing, while Monica is in the other room seducing the goon so she can make a break for it. In what I though would be another drawn out scene of fornication, abruptly ended with a vase-to-the-head bashing. So, she finds a private investigator (and his pigtailed partner), gives them the low-down, and they head back to the house, only to find it empty (signified by an uncalled for baboon howl). WTF? This gives a great segue into the WTF/random thoughts portion of the review:
-From afar, Pete kinda looks like Tom Savini or Charles Bronson.
-I’d like to see Ms. Pigtails get naked.
-The great shoot out. How many bullets does a six-shot revolver really have? More than that--obviously!
-Monica’s shirt just came off, yet again, and she’s being beaten by the dominatrix.
-Monica and Pete go at it again, and the dominatrix is a voyeur…go figure.
-All the chicks get a wardrobe change.
-Yes! Pete whips out the belt and makes Ms. Pigtails get undressed. Damn, what a disappointment.
-The jewels are still missing…who’s that pulling into the driveway?
-Monica uses her seductive ways yet again, and it has the power to unearth precious stones.
-Pete is a fraud, the gems are fake.
-Magnum P.I. and Ms. Piggy save Pete from the vengeful dominitrix.
-Reunited once again, Monica and Jackie kiss, and then go frolicking off into the woods.
Simply put, Monica is a nympho, a tease, and will get naked with anyone. The first 30 minutes are pretty much nothing but sex. First, Monica with Jackie, then Monica with Pete, and then Monica and Jackie with Pete. While there are a few brief moments of eroticism, the sex scenes are laughable, and way too long, and when Monica goes nuts in a climactic fury while Jackie is kissing/licking on her belly, it’s absolutely ridiculous. This is not one of Jean’s best works, and perhaps he was just coming off of one of his porno stints. It’s almost as if he had been watching British comedies too, because that's about the humor level portrayed, and one I'm not a fan of.
The big question is, what happened to Jean’s token orgasmic backdrops and supernaturally overtoned storylines? Schoolgirl Hitchhikers was released in between two of his more known releases, Nude Vampire and Lips of Blood, and done under one of his aliases, Michel Gentil (taken from his full name, Jean Michel Rollin Le Gentil). This film may have been an embarrassment for him, or just a money making project, since he didn’t even tack on his real name to it, then again, maybe he didn’t deem it worthy of the Rollin stamp because he didn’t write it. I can only speculate, but unless you’re an unrelenting fan, and feel your life would not be complete without owning every feature of his, I’d pass on it, and re-visit some of his better known works. Sadly, the maestro’s life was taken from us on December 15th, so R.I.P. Jean Rollin (1938-2010), you will be missed. I really hope someone releases his most recent film, Le masque de la Méduse (Mask of Medusa). And, for the 2-0-1-1, I hope to bring a refreshing breath of air to the Side Show Review for the new decade!! Stalls and Smokeskrene, you with me?
A side note: The coverart for Schoolgirl Hitchhikers on Amazon is a little deceptive, since neither of the chicks pictured on the cover are in the film. This looks like a marketing ploy used to drive in a new audience of viewers, but the actual artwork is seen at the end of the trailer above.
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OVERALL RATING--2-- |
