I Told You Not to Call the Police (2010)

I ran across this unposted blog from 2010 and decided to share.

Why am I such a sucker? It’s because I continue to buy Bill Zebub’s films. I guess it’s my unquenchable curiosity, or mere stupidty, but in the last few years, I’ve purchased pretty much all of his new ones (and resold some), and also gotten a few of the older ones at horror conventions, where I think he was peddling them 4 for $30, which I obliged. Much like newer Jess Franco films, you can guarantee a loose storyline, loose women, and tons of lingering boob and bush shots. Simply put, Bill's movies are made for perverts by a pervert (dang, I guess I just outted myself again). Not all of his roster of chicks (strippers, groupies, etc) are great looking, but don't seem the least bit bashful to bare it, which is why they got the gig.

Let me give you a little bit of history on Bill and I. I made the mistake of having my girlfriend sit in on a screening of Zombiechrist at Cinema Wasteland last year. Needless to say, she wasn’t the least bit impressed, and seemed rather disgusted most of the time. Plus, it didn’t help that it was late at night in a packed room with a bunch of drunks, who saw no fault in yelling at the screen. Sure, that’s commonplace at a convention, but rudities like “Yeah, give it to her” and “F*** the bitch!,” are rude in most settings outside of 42nd Street theatres. But, the more I watched, the more I was torn, as I wanted to walk out because I could see her discomfort, but I also wanted to stay. So, being the caring boyfriend I am, we stayed. I know, I know, what an asshole I am, but needless to say, I won’t happen again, as I'll be attending the convention alone this year, where Bill's supposed to unleash his 46th feature, Rap Sucks.

His latest feature, I Told You Not to Call the Police, is pretty much typical Bill, minus the blasphemous religious dialog and intended humor we've gotten from the others I've seen. Once again, the chicks can’t act, and awkwardly go through the motions, but still end up baring it all. Now, I’m not saying that Bill’s films don’t carry any jerk merits, but they’re usually once overs, then easily forgotten.

The highlight of the disc is the bonus feature, Assmonster, which is the sheer essence of how and why Bill’s guerilla films are made. All the humor is in this one, but Bill kept it to "tops off" only. He must not have had as much influence as he has today in making the panties drop.