Jan 12, 2010

Bad Girls Dormitory (1984)

Buy it now at Amazon.com!!

I’m by no means an expert on Women in Prison movies, nor a big fan of the genre, but I have seen quite a few from around the world (probably just for the fact that naked women are guaranteed). So, since Bad Girls Dormitory sounded like a promising title, I took the gamble from Netflix. It’s shot in New York, is straight up 80’s, quite laughable (even though I didn't chuckle), and one of the lamest I’ve seen. These movies pretty much all follow the same formula: naked women trying to escape, suppressed lesbian love, a wicked warden, and corrupt guards. Even with tons of nudity and titillation (crotchillation too), I wasn’t the slightest bit aroused or amused. Had I seen it in my early teens when my libido was running rampant, the outcome may have been different, but there wasn't a single thing I could even consider a guilty pleasure. The only things I did enjoy were the soundtrack, and a couple of kill scenes (a shotgun blow to the crotch, and a piano wire strangulation).

Bad acting and dialog, mediocre looking women, an Ilsa-esque warden, lame catfights, and a whole lot of crapola plague this feature. The editing is horrible, often jumping to scenes that make no sense in the flow of events, and it almost looks like it was made as a Skinemax after dark flick. I like cheese, when it's done right (and there is a fine line), but it seems like it tried too hard to play out the stereotypes of the genre, yet encompass elements of other movies that were popular of the time, like The Warriors.

Something I found interesting (thanks to the inside sleeve) is that the director, Tim Kincaid, also directs porn under the name Joe Gage. So, it’s really no surprise that the storyline lacked substance, and the editing and camera angles were shoddy and simple. And sadly, as one would expect from a man of his expertise, there’s not even a money shot (blasphemous, I know), unless you consider those the multiple crotch close-ups, which sadly, were clothed. But, all of his film credits in the new millenium are for gay porn, so something steered him away from Women in Prison (probably a good thing), and back into men who have risen (hee hee).


Maybe I'm being a bit too nit-picky, but I don’t have a vast knowledge of 80’s b-erotica to compare it to. I just know if it doesn’t give me the childish butterflies of awe (and a tingle in my pants), like when I used to sneak into my dads room to view his nudie mags, then maybe I don’t have the capacity to appreciate it. A sidenote: While writing this review, Police Academy (in HD no less) was on TV, so I just had to watch it, even though it was edited. It's one of those movies that no matter how many times I've seen it, it just makes the years melt away. Maybe it's pre-Sex in the City Kim Cattrall (also in Porky's and Mannequin, two more of my faves), the antics of Steve Guttenberg, or sound effects maestro Michael Winslow that does it, but this movie just entertains the heck out of me and makes me giggle. But, Bad Girls Dormitory is just bad, so steer your efforts elsewhere. I suggest Frankenhooker, another movie featuring BGD's Jennifer Delora, which does have a lot of cheese, but is way more enjoyable. I do wonder, though, if Breeders (1986) (also Tim's film) is any better. I think it sits in my shelf with an inch of dust, so maybe I need to watch it, just to see if he can re-gain some credibility. But, I won't be watching Chainsaw, that's for sure!

ACTING --1-- HUMOR --1--
BLOOD/GORE --2-- NUDITY --3--
WOMEN IN CAGE-ERIFFIC --0-- DIRECTING --1--
OVERALL RATING

--1.5--

2 comments:

Smokeskrene said...

Before I read this I scrolled down to see the rating. I was really concerned when I saw the gay porn cover. Thinking 'Jesus Fleet where are we taking this site.' After reading though I felt much better about the posting. LOL

K-Fleet said...

Ha ha, I gotta cater to all preferences, so think of it as expanding our viewer base. :) I actually changed the review some, so you may want to re-read. You gonna have anything for us this year?