Haven't I seen these before? The Ward and Death Stop Holocaust

Sorry, but The Fog came back and took all my new ideas.
I rented The Ward last week and was really glad to see that both of the rental stores in town had about 20 copies each. My thoughts after watching it? Well, maybe Carpenter should've stayed in full-length feature retirement, or at least spent more time developing original ideas. Now, that may have been a bit too harsh, but there wasn’t a single thing new or exciting added to the insane asylum/mental patient genre, and I feel this could've been cut down to an hour episode for the Masters of Horror series. Sure, there would have been less character and story development, but would it really matter? There was zero emotional investment in any character but the lead, Kristen (Amber Heard), and that's probably just because she's hot and I didn't want to see her die.

So, the story goes like this: After being admitted to a mental ward for burning down a house, Kristen starts seeing something scary in the shadows (and in fogged up mirrors). Knowing that she’s not crazy, she fakes taking her meds, and spends every waking moment trying to figure out who/what the ghoul is, and plotting her escape. I thought I was watching an episode of MacGyver, because she uses a letter opener to unlock a door, a penny to unscrew an air duct cover, and a bed spring to get her straight jacket off. This chick can’t be contained! But, as mentioned above, all the characters are forgettable, and the retro feel (set in the 60's) felt pretty lame. It’s like he dusted off a script he had packed away from the 70's or 80’s, and decided to make it today, which just did nothing for me.

So yeah, I was thoroughly disappointed, because how many times can the twist ending be a multiple personality thing? Shit, I should have just watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest again to get my loony fix. But I will say, I never really get tired of looking at Amber Heard, and the shower scene was probably the best of them all, with side boob shots of several of the female cast. I just wish Carpenter would have done more with this film, and his failure to do so is probably why the major studios passed on it.


My follow-up feature was Death Stop Holocaust, which I had been looking forward to after seeing a trailer and contacting the director, Justin Russell, for a screener. Needless to say, I'd have to wait, because Shriek Show picked it up, and it was getting an official release in a few months. But, I feel my wait was in vain, because how many times do we have to see the same ideas and imagery rehashed again and again with no refreshing twist? Grindhouse homages and killers in horse and pig masks have been done several times, so let’s please try something different. This is his first feature since his student film, The Gremlin, and it’s easy to see his influences and love of the genre, which was done here on a meager $13K budget. I just really wish he would have broken away from the familiar roles and situations, given us more interesting killers and kills, and with his next feature, The Sleeper (a nod to the slasher/giallo genre) will take us to not so common ground.

I felt I'd seen both of these features before, and while it would be easy to say that creativity in the horror world is dead, which would mean I’ll hate the next 5-10 years worth of new movies, I'll just say it's extremely challenged. I still get excited to see new horror movies, but am often let down with the final product. I liked Super 8 and Final Destination 5, and am looking forward to Don't Be Afraid of the Dark and Shark Night (even though it's Jaws for today's kids), but don't have high hopes for Fright Night or Conan the Barbarian (which looks absolutely ridiculous). Since anyone can make their own damn movie these days (Thanks, Lloyd!), the garbage factor is sure to rise, but I can only hope that diamonds in the rough start to emerge, as the efforts get tiresome, and the landfill is almost full. But hey, if it you saves you money by reading this blog, then I have no problem weeding out the chaff.

Was The Ward set up to fail?

I use this platform to not only praise things I think are great, but to rant when I see injustices in the horror industry, or after watching poorly made movies. While I was looking at this week’s circulars for Best Buy, Target, and a couple others, I saw no mention of John Carpenter’s The Ward. Now, I haven’t seen this film, but it’s been on my watch list for several months now, and I intend to this week. So, why does this title not deserve any press? Is it because it wasn’t picked up by a major studio and is being released by Arc Entertainment (who the heck is that)? Further research finds Arc Ent. to be a small distribution company based out of Santa Monica, CA, with their most notable titles being the Dragon Dynasty series, which you can find at your local Walmart. Come on (big studio) guys, this is the man that brought us Michael Myers, The Thing (remake), They Live, The Fog, etc. And, with Amber Heard’s recent fame, why can’t these titles get any major promotion outside of the indie scene?

Amber Heard in Mandy Lane
Now granted, The Ward has been awarded an actual release, unlike All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, but it’s like you either already know about it, or it was set up to just creep under the radar, maybe never being discovered by those who don’t shop outside of the major outlets. I have nothing against Best Buy or Target, other than them constantly dwindling their selection, or being out-of-stock on a featured title, but I also find it disheartening to see one of the Masters of Horror’s most recent projects sink into obscurity. I guess it could’ve been a failure of Arc’s marketing team by not pushing big-box retailers to feature it (by giving them discounts in order to sell it cheaper), but if it was simply the retail buying gods passing on this title because it wasn’t “big enough,” then they need to be slapped. While I’m sure Best Buy will have some copies available for purchase, and something tells me it'll be on Walmart's shelves too, the best deal I’ve found is on Amazon, where it's $15.99 on DVD or $17.99 on Blu-Ray.

And, even though I’m really looking forward to seeing this title, and know it's anticipated on other horror blogs too, like Freddy in Space, I sure hope Mr. Carpenter hasn't lost his touch after sitting out of the full-length feature game for 9 years (since Ghosts of Mars). So, once you’ve seen it, feel free to leave a comment, so we can share in it's praise...or misery. On a side note, while I liked Stake Land, I wasn’t blown away by it, but would still pick it up for around ten bucks (on Blu-Ray). Next week, it’s onto Bereavement (the prequel to Malevolence), another highly anticipated title, that is, unless you’re torn on whether you should add Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil to your horror collection. Heck, Leprechan went to the hood (twice), so why can’t they? Oh, I think that’s a different hood they’re referring to. Ha ha!

A final farewell to Xploited Cinema

By reading my blog, you've heard me mention Xploited Cinema many times, and know how much I loved this company. I credit them for not only having a great site, selection, and customer service (Tony Simonelli is an excellent businessman), but for opening up my eyes to world cinema, and nudging me to get an all-region DVD player, so I would not miss out on these classics. He first introduced me to Andreas Bethmann (Existus Interruptus 1&2, Rossa Venezia), Toe Tag Pictures (August Underground, Redsin Tower (where IMDb credits him as an executive producer)), my first Karim Hussain DVDs (Subconscious Cruelty, Ascension, and now Hobo With a Shotgun), and I got the wickedest Texas Chainsaw Massacre ever released, a 2-disc PAL DVD that just screams bloody goodness.

Image courtesy of Freddy in Space and Import Films
After having been a loyal shopper for a couple years, I approached Tony about being an affiliate site, where he would provide movies, either at a discount or for free, and I would write a review and link his site, to which he obliged. But sadly, it was a short-lived venture, because a couple of months later, he announced he would no longer be adding any new titles, and would be selling through his existing inventory, eventually shuttering the website and moving onto other things. I was such a fan that I asked if he was interested in selling his site and inventory, but he was not, fearing that the business he poured his heart, soul, and money into, would not be ran with the same vigor. I was crushed, thinking that this was finally my escape from my current job, and I was even willing to take a jaunt to Ohio to see his operation, considered moving there if it panned out. But, it was his baby, and although it was a huge letdown, I understood, so I asked his words of wisdom on getting into the business, and he said to start selling on E-bay, build a name for myself, and then branch out from there. He said he started his business by investing $1000, and after that, he never had to take out a line of credit, but just re-invested his earnings back into it. Eventually, he built such a strong brand, that he blew away every other site on the web (those were my words).

So, now that it's August 15th, 2011, Xploited may disappear from the interweb forever, running one last sale to liquidate it's merchandise. If you haven't been there in a while, never been there before, or threw your last shovel load of dirt on it's coffin long ago, please take one last gander at what the site has to offer. And, may visions of Xploited Cinema (and sugarplums) dance in your head forever.

Tony, I personally want to thank you for always being a true and trusted salesman, running a great site, and opening my eyes to movies I may have never ran across. I wish you all the luck in your future endeavors, and I want you to know that although it never became my reality, I would have done the Xploited name proud, and I can only hope that other sites have used your business model and motto as their inspiration.

For those now pining over where to get your DVD and obscure cinema fix, please visit Diabolik DVD, as they now have the business of genre cinema on lock.

An Asian movie marathon and a couple others

Freeze Me-A Japanese rape/revenge flick, where a girl gets assaulted, and years later, her assailants come back to reenact what they did before. This time, however, she’s not letting it slide, and she kills each one and puts them in a freezer. As she attempts to rekindle things with her old flame, her secret gets out, so she has to take care of him too, and then plummets to her death (or so we gather). A decent movie in the genre, but all too tiresome with the same violence and assault against women, which is prevalent in Japanese shock cinema.

Ichi the Killer-I saw this many years ago, way before I really knew who Takashi Miike was, and before Japanese splatter cinema made it’s way into the mainstream. So, I thought I’d give it another shot, and to be honest, I was rather bored based off the high praise it always receives, and my vague remembrance. I was doing other things while I watched it the first time, but little did I realize after all these years, that it wasn’t Ichi on the DVD cover, but Kakihara. Duh, I know you’re saying, and starting to question whether I'm a true Miike fan, but I say bullocks, are names really important in these kind of movies anyway? No, it’s about how outrageous situations can be, and what director can one-up the other. Granted, there are some pretty sweet parts in it, like Kak’s mouth/fist sequence, and the hot grease/suspension scene, but compared to the Japanese extreme films of today, it’s pretty tame. I think I need re-watch Visitor Q now.

Wayward Cloud-Quite a quirky little movie with sexual innuendos galore (and some outright in your face), about a porn star who’s been looking for love in all the wrong places, but finds it in the water lady, while a drought is going on. It has musical numbers, a watermelon make out scene, a watermelon birth, AND watermelon sex, and has to be the first melonsploitation movie I’ve ever seen. And, holy shit, that video store has friggin oodles and oodles of movies (VHS and DVD). **Note to self, buy more movies.** If you’re a fan of oddball Asian cinema (this one’s from China), and don’t mind strong, mature subject matter (heck, that’s probably why you’d want to watch it), this may be a film for you.

Puppet Monster Massacre-This puppet/animated feature has been compared to Meet the Feebles and Mad Monster Party. While it does have some of the same humor as MtF, it just didn’t do a whole lot for me. Gramps, Otis, and Raimi are the best characters, and the puppet nudity takes it to the next level, which you obviously won’t see in a Jim Henson movie, but with only a few giggles and somewhat overplayed gore scenes, this was a one-watcher for me. But, get a bunch of friends, throw back a few cold ones, and then put this on, and I guarantee it’ll be a rip roaring good time.

Made in Serbia-After seeing A Serbian Film and Life and Death of a Porno Gang, anything coming out of that region is now a must-see for me. I purchased this from Diabolik DVD (in PAL form), and it's a great accompaniment piece to the two movies above. It focuses on one man’s mission to not only educate himself on the porno industry in his country, but to get the help of lead directors, in order to make his own porno flick, starring his ex-girlfriend, a somewhat retired porno star who is willing to do one more feature before calling it quits and saying goodbye to her home town. The lives of several up and coming actors are talked about, as well as those who just do it for the money. The production value of these films are pretty low-grade, as well as the acting, and it’s a wonder how anyone gets their jollies off this stuff. Different strokes for different folks, that's for sure. It’s definitely worth a watch for those who like porn documentaries, and if you haven’t seen A Serbian Film, it gets an official Blu-Ray and DVD release in the states in October. However, if you just can't wait, Diabolik has a DVD release right now that will only set you back 14 bucks plus shipping.

Screw double-dipping The Walking Dead

I normally don't double-dip on a title unless it's something I think is super badass and well worth the money, or is a format upgrade. What pisses me off is when companies, especially within the first year of release, re-issue a movie (or music) with extra features not included on the original release. For instance, The Walking Dead series. The DVD and Blu-Ray were released in March, and is getting re-released in October. A mere 7 months later, to tie-in with the second season, AMC and Anchor Bay want us to drop our hard earned cash again for all that stuff they failed to give us on the original release. Amazon currently has the Blu-Ray for pre-order for 42 bucks, but you can pick up the original release for about $25, and that includes shipping. Sure, the new one is like the "Extreme Fan Edition," and I really did like the show and am anticipating the new season, but unless AMC or Anchor Bay are going to offer us a $15-20 trade-in toward the purchase of the new one, then I'm gonna pass. And yeah, I could sell my copy and re-coop some of my money in order to purchase the new one, but paying about $20 more for the black and white pilot episode, commentaries, and making of's isn't worth it to me. However, I do like the new cover, and would pay maybe a couple of bucks for the slipcase.

So, studios, please quit asking me to double-dip, as I have enough other stuff I'd like to spend my money on, like Bereavement, Stake Land, The Ward, and a double-dip waffle cone from Cold Stone or Braums.